(This is an update/note to my babe so brace yourself. And son, I ramble. I know it, and it's not changing anytime soon so just sit tight lovebug and try to keep up.)
Along with finding his voice, he's found his will power. He knows what he wants, when he wants it and he is determined to say the least. That's a good thing, right?! To know what you want in life...only problem is when you're 17 months old and unfortunately for you, you just can't get/do everything you want. Boundaries are a good thing, someday when he's older he'll see the bigger picture but for now it's just time to test away. Besides what I'm going to consider a normal amount of fits-every parents right of passage?-he's easy going and has a great sense of humor. It's ridiculous how he is all little boy now. Within a blink of the eye he is total toddler. Lucky for me, Caden is still a lovable boy and gives me the cuddles my mommy heart desires.
Look at this cuteness. A gal at work gave me two big scraps of paper so we got them out and made them our new coloring pages. Coloring doesn't hold his attention as long as it did at first, but it's still something to do and for some reason, mainly that he's supposed to be swaddled and entirely fit within my arms still, I just can't get over how adorable he is to me while he colors.
The transformation, and the speed of it at that, from baby to boy makes my mommy heart want to curl up in a little ball and cry. Okay-maybe not that drastic, but close. Example-there's a song out there that I don't even know if I've actually heard, but KLOVE had a quick bit on it saying this artist on the surface wrote about her son, but deeper it's also about God. They went on to play some of the lyrics which were along the lines of no matter how I may disappoint you, you still love me. And the host spoke about how no matter how we may disappoint or let him down, he still stands there with open arms and loves us.
I instantly felt a tug at my heart and tears in my eyes. Yes-this is always an awesome message spiritually, but as a parent it also hits so deep. It's hard to not feel like you've doing something wrong almost daily as a parent. It's an amazing, fun road to navigate-but it's not a soft and smooth path and there's very little, if any, signs along the way. There's the books and friendly advice to help-but you can't foresee the mood your little one will be in, the random change in appetite, a fever or teething coming your way, an arch-your-back fit that can take up the little 20-30 minutes you have together in the morning or even the short 2 hours you get after work before bed time. You can't foresee the headache that comes on at work and doesn't go away yet it's the first time in five days your son is not irritable, full of fits and uncomfortable with teething pain or fever so over my dead body will I take a time-out from that limited evening window we get. (amen for excedrin)
Yet no matter what happens, no matter if I lose my patience too easily, give more of my attention to my phone than to him-no matter how I may fail, in his eyes or mine, he is still there. Still wants to play, to laugh, to cuddle and share his love with me. There will be one day where I will be chasing after him for that time. I think as parents we are overly hard on ourselves sometimes-how easy it is to be when the task of raising a child is so big and has so many different aspects to it that I couldn't even fathom. Luckily for us, as we are learning and making mistakes they are easy to forgive and love....at least while he's this young. Even more lucky for us God is no matter the age, time, or mistake.
Caden-I hope to grow old with your father, to be able to see all that you and future babies accomplish in your lives, to know your spouse and kids-but if for some reason Gods plan differs from mine (heaven forbid) this is one of many things I want to you to know. Caden, your father and I constantly pray for guidance in our parenting. We pray for help in knowing how to help you learn in the best way that works for you. We pray that we show the love, mercy, peace and kindness that is from God to you and to others that you may reflect that as well and show those attributes and share Gods love to the world. If it's in God's plan for you to have children of your own remember to turn to him for guidance. To not know God's plan may at times be one of the hardest things to accept, but have faith, have patience and lean not on your own understanding.
You are an amazing boy. I have high hopes for you. Whatever you grow up to be, put forth your best effort but also be okay with failure. You are not perfect, no one is, and that's the beauty of life. Do not put yourself above others, be humble and do not lose sight of God or the blessings that he gives you. Be quick to forgive and move on. There will be triumphs and losses-wear both well. Be open to learning, be open to making mistakes and growing from those. Challenge yourself, don't let yourself conform to this world but push yourself to stand out.
As I type this to you I feel like a hypocrite. It's easy to wish and hope so big for you but allow myself to fall short-so, in that-thank you for helping make us feel driven to be better people in parenting, for our marriage, friendships and personally. Okay, kiddo. I think you've gotten enough mommy rant to fill you for a while. My dream is that I will be able to coax you with lots of candy, or whatever gets your attention, and talk your head off personally.
New rule, for each month of pregnancy you get 5 hours to talk your head off-and in the last 3 that doubles. Yep, I like that new rule, and as a goal I hope to overly exceed this as well. Lucky, lucky you.
You have brought us so much joy, you have made us strong in so many ways-we are excited for all the adventures to come. We love you, Caden.
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