So-focus now. What is the golden rule? Treat others how you want to be treated.
I've already been spewing this out with Caden, almost in second nature, asking him if he would like it if his friend hit him, or threw a toy at him, or yada yada punk kid tendencies. Of course, he answers no. So then I follow saying something along the lines of if we wouldn't like it, and if it's not nice, then we shouldn't do it to others.
And, for the most part, especially at that age, that's a good way to start implementing the golden rule. Or at least the basic concept of the golden rule...because, I'm now aware and a newfound believer in the idea that the golden rule isn't so golden once your grow up.
It's a great learning block to build on, but life gets much more complex than that when we get older and start taking on more serious relationships and responsibilities. Be it with a spouse, children, friends, co-workers, boss, etcetera, etcetera.
But this week, for the first time, I heard someone knock down the golden rule. For the life of me I cannot recall if I heard it via sermon or via KLove, but I heard it and it stuck, happily so.
The golden rule is good. Treat others how you want to be treated. But the issue with that is not everyone wants to be treated as you would.
Unfortunately, I can't just get by with treating Gary how I would want to be treated. I respond to things differently than he does, I expect different reactions and results, and I work through issues-wait for it-differently.
Most of us do, and I think that is where we have our problem. If he is upset or has a difficult situation he's going through and I treat him how I would want to be treated I would-and whoops, often do- try to talk it through, think it over and over and over, hammer it out and fix it the best I can--and that is not how he operates.
We have to think and strive for much deeper than how we want to be treated by imaginatively putting ourselves in the shoes of others. Acknowledging what speaks to them. What they take as positive love and support. What helps them in times of need.
Because what helps us, what speaks love to us, what we like is not always true to others. This point, wherever it really came from, reiterated that if you wake up thinking of what the other person would like instead of what you would like then everyone can benefit from that.
It's not in our nature to stop and think of others thoughts or desires before our own. It's something that we have to, and need to, purposefully make the effort to do sometimes, but it is worth the effort. It is worth it to those you are doing it for and it is worth it to you as well.
When Gary is stressed or overwhelmed, he doesn't need to talk it over and over and over or a fix-it solution. He needs to process it on his own, he needs support and love shown sometimes through space and silence. He doesn't work through things like I do, and that's hard for me to remember and relate to sometimes, but once I can get on the same page as him after I make the effort and support him in ways that best helps him-not me-it makes a huge difference on many levels.
If this is something that can strengthen my marriage, my parenting, my friendships then sign me up. We need all the help we can get sometimes, and this is such a simple switch in thought process, but sometimes just so hard to refocus and realign to.
No comments:
Post a Comment