TWO

Reidster is two months old now. I first think, ack-I should go cry in a corner. This is going to fly by too fast and my little baby will be gone before I know it. But, currently, life is busy and as much as I can't believe they change so quick I'm also okay with the longer stretches of sleep at night and adorable smiles that we're getting now! So, celebrate two month we must.

-This past week you did almost seven straight days of sleeping from around 8/9 pm-5/6 am. More so you seem to at least guarantee about a 6-8 hour stretch, which is great!
-You weighed in at exactly 11 lbs today at your two month check up.
-You are eating well and taking bottles fine. We're mixing most bottles half breastmilk/half formula. At the time we needed to do some bottles while I went in to train for work you were going through a growth spurt and eating more, which left me little to nothing to pump and store after. So, to not stress we got some formula to mix in and you took just fine to it.
-You sleep great. We don't really have a set day schedule for you, not sure if you or any future babes will get as much of one as your big bro did since we won't have that freedom as much during the first part of our days. Maybe I'll make it more mandatory as you get older, but right now you're chill and go with the flow. (Currently you're napping great in your swing -not swinging- and have been recently so that may be our go-to nap spot for the days at home..)
-You smile and coo and it just melts my heart! I can't even put into words how sweet it is to hear your little voice and see you light up with a smile at us. It is priceless and I am trying to soak it all up!
-You love, love, love your soothie. You'll sleep without it, but majority of the time fall asleep with it and either spit it out or it falls out as you're catching flies while you snooze.
-You are kind of a hater towards the car seat still. The soothie helps with that, but what doesn't help is when you spit it out/let it fall out and I'm doing amazing back arm stretches to plug it back in before you get too upset. And believe me...you can get a bit emotional and quick, too. Luckily-it doesn't take much or long to bring you back down to reality.
-You rock at tummy time and don't seem to mind it really.
-You are pretty easy going with all the noise, ahem-Caden, around you. He still gives you good scare and startles you here and there. It's funny and sad all in one to see your eyes get all wide and big, then comes the extreme pout face and tears...never fear, soothie to the rescue!

You have a killer scoul. If you are ever a boss someday I suggest you use it to show you mean business, or when someone is acting a fool...it'd be perfect for that.

Little Reid, we love you so much. Caden is so cute and gentle towards you, always telling you 'It's okay, baby, it's okay...' if you're upset. You are easy going, have an amazing smile, and give the best cuddles a mommy could ask for. We adore you, little guy, and cannot wait to embark on all the adventures and milestones that are yet to come with you!

Love you always, Reid. xoxo

Caden,

 

My sweet, sweet boy. I love you so much. I don't exaggerate when I say it brings me to tears to think of how strong my love is for you, all the best wishes that I have for you in your life, all the worries that I carry for you and your future, my dreams and hopes and desires for you are so strong and so big. I want to cover you in so much love that no matter what happens in life that you never feel alone, never feel afraid, and always know that you have a place to call home.

You are hilarious. Your humor and your love are fierce and never ending. In these recent mornings you will wake up, pitter-patter your little feet across the house and into our room, crawl up into bed, get under the covers and snuggle with me for a little while. What tugs at my heart even more is you have recently placed your little arm around my head to 'hold me' and will swap little kisses back and forth, telling me 'you're welcome' when I say thank you for your kisses. You always tell me 'yesh.' when I ask if you've slept good, even on days you skip naps. A few weeks ago you would randomly look me in the eyes, get close to my face, put a big smile on and say 'merwee cwistmas, mommie!' It's February, and you are wishing me a Merry Christmas. Melt.My.Heart.

You love to laugh, run, play. You really seem to have an excitement for life, as most kids do, but luckily I am blessed to be your mommy and get to see you experience and take joy in so many new things. You make each day more exciting than the last and seeing the world through your eyes makes this crazy place much more enjoyable.

 

You are quick to forgive and move on. You are defiant, but in a toddler kind of way. You are testing boundaries and love to say no, which unfortunately ends with you having to sit on the time-out stool. But, as mentioned before, you are quick to forgive and move on-so usually if we have to step away with you and 'start over', or help you understand when some things are not okay to do, you seem to catch on, shake it off, and we're on our way before too long. This isn't to say it won't happen again, and again, and again-but situation to situation they usually aren't drawn out ordeals. You just have a bit of stubbornness in you like your sweet, perfect mommy. :)

You have the blondest of blond hair. The perfect little swirl right up front. Everyone comments on your white blond hair. You got that from your father. He had the same growing up until about middle school. I'm very interested to see what happens if yours will change as you get older or stay blond.

You have hazel eyes that favor green when you wear greens and show more blue when you wear blues. They are adorable and so beautiful. As is your smile and your cheeks. Your cheeks are full and oh so kissable. Your smile lights up the room. Your eyes squint when you smile from ear to ear. You also have a killer ornery look and smile that gives away whatever you may be up to.

You are fascinated with trains, cars, and Donald Duck/Chip and Dale/Mickey Mouse. You now have a wooden train set thanks to Aunt Erin passing down their train table and set, and the neighbors letting you borrow theirs as well. We also have a more modern set that your old daycare passed down to you that has trains that can go on their own (all Thomas-themed trains). Between the two different kinds, we are bound to play trains at least once a day.

You are the BEST eater out there. You eat what we eat. You love to help cook-always pulling over the table stool to get up to the counter and help in any possible way you can or we'll let you. You eat meat, veggies, fruit, potatoes--it is a true blessing to have you be on board and not a picky eater. Sometimes I wish people could see this when we are out of our home setting, because depending on where we are and your hungry level, you won't always eat as well and would much rather go play. But, that being said, you have been a much better listener and will eat however many more bites we ask before being done.

Your listening, although not always right away and still challenging us at times, make me a very, very proud momma. I kind of think it's okay for you to sometimes be challenging. Not always do I think that in the moment when we're trying to leave somewhere, go somewhere, or do something. But outside of needing to get things done, I know that you are in that stage of learning and curiosity, so it's good to learn and definitely makes me slow down and know that life can wait as we help teach you rights from wrongs.

You have a sense of hesitation towards new things or in public, which is good. Love people, see the good in people, but know that some people just straight up suck, are bad people and you don't need to go around trusting everyone. Showing love and showing trust are two very different things. But, at this age, your hesitation comes more as you just want to observe and see things a little before jumping right in.

You're imagination is endless. You talk in different voices and make up different scenarios with your toys. It's always taken you at least 30 minutes to wind down at night and fall asleep, and now that you're older you'll 'sneak' books into bed after we leave and 'read' them, or play imagination with your animals, or even better with nothing at all. You are just in there talking away until you fall asleep. We now tell you stories before bed and you have consistently requested 'Caden elephant' which usually consist of either an adventure for a little boy named Caden and an elephant or a mommy elephant who lost baby elephant so you have to find him. (in which case, after mommy elephant cries to Caden saying 'Caden, I lost my baby elephant will you help me find him?' you always reply in the most sympathetic voice 'I sorry, I help you find baby elephant.' Very cute. Although, right now you're supposed to be taking a nap but have been chatting away in imagination land in your room for almost an hour. come on, man, come on...)

You already show first child traits. Kind of bossy, try to tell us what to do, that kind of thing. When it's time to eat we fix your plate first then follow in line and while we're getting our stuff together you're constantly telling us 'daddy-time to eat!' 'mommy-it's time to eat!'. When we correct the dogs or have to fuss with them, you're always a little echo behind us doing the same thing and we have to remind you, Caden-let mommy and daddy handle max and sissy. Guess you just have to keep us in line, huh?!

At two and a half you are so fun. It's a fun and trying age and we are so happy to be able to navigate it with you.

Now, let serious mommy break loose here and hang with me little man...

Caden, you're father and I love you so much. We even say that although you are showing some defiance, and that can be trying, that you are such a good kid. You are so fun and you truly bring so much joy and love into or family we couldn't imagine life without you.

Listen, your father and I have a different, but similar story to our lives. The main similar part is something we want to really be able to help you guys navigate the best we can, while at the same time keeping our distance so you can have those life lessons yourself. But, hopefully we'll be transparent in a good way about how, for a while, we both chose to live a life of partying over a life of following God. Sure, it seems all fun-you especially at this age wouldn't be caught dead missing out on a party especially when there's cake. But, unfortunately the parties aren't all cake and punch and leave you constantly searching for the next one, because they cannot bring contentment into your life as God can.

Now, honestly, we had some fun times. There's something fun and stupid about waking up and reminiscing dumb moments with your friends after a long night. I don't want to lie to you and just leave you curious and more persistent to find out for yourself, but I also know that there are just as many hard times that came with. More trouble, pain-emotionally and physically, broken relationships. Those aren't the ones that people reminisce about. Those aren't the nights that you hear people sharing. Be wise in our actions and the choices you make. Don't grow up too fast, but don't act a fool just because that's what everyone else is doing. Dare to stand out. Dare to be different.

I hope that as you grow older, like teenage older, that we can relay the honest truth about the world out there and hopefully give you a head start on your expectations, and honestly, what your father and I expect out of you as well.

We don't expect you to be perfect. We were, and are, far from that. But we expect honesty and truth. We expect you to treat others as you want to be treated. To stand up for those that don't have anyone on their side. To be a hard worker. Show love and compassion even when it doesn't seem to be deserved. To think first before you speak. Study hard and follow your dreams and goals in life. Don't give up on yourself and never sell yourself short. You are worth so much, never let anyone make you think otherwise. You are never alone no matter how dark some days may seem. Trust in God and his plan despite the hardship in understanding it at times. Know that if life gets hard, that it can only go up from there and remember the world around you. Know that you are very, very important, but also know that there are so many out there that are less fortunate than you and be humble in your blessings. Know that God gives you challenges in life for a reason-learn and grow from each of them. Be consistent in studying God's word no matter where you are in life. Know that it is okay to question all aspect of life, but hold fast to God's word and his promise and find your strength in him.

The things of this world, although they seem so appealing and fun, are never going to bring you the joy and blessings that God can. I have learned more about trusting in God in the last six months than I could have imagined. Giving up control of things that we should really rely on God for, not ourselves, is huge. I hope you can lean on Him during the good and the bad days.

I could go on and on. Probably something that you will realize as you get older-maybe you and your dad will even develop a funny eye roll about it, but dang it, I am your mother and I will be heard. Honestly, I want you to have something to look back on for days you may be lonely, need encouragement, or if I'm gone-I want you to be able to read my love if I cannot express it myself.

You are amazing, Caden. Use your love, kindness and smile to do great things in this world. We love you so much.

xoxoxo

Discipline

We have ourselves a fun, energetic, loving, humorous, ornery, and curious little toddler. There are many ways I could describe Caden, and many stories I could tell about our daily adventures-the good, the bad, and the ugly. But what we've recently been challenged with is disciplining.

Gary and I have had multiple conversations about our disciplining actions for our children. Disciplining isn't easy in general, but now that Reid is here I have taken it much more seriously than I did previously. I personally feel like I cannot afford to spend my days arguing with Caden and begging for his attention to listen and obey me while balancing the needs and wants of both boys. After just two days home solo with them I quickly decided we needed to implement a new discipline route with Caden. We feel like we need Caden to listen, obey and respect us and out of interest for his own well being, not just to be big, mean, bossy parents. And since we have been quicker to respond to his disobeying/acting out/back talk and expecting more out of him he has in turn responded better to us both at home and in public which has made things much easier all around.

Our new course of actions, thoughts and scenarios were running through my mind the other night as I was trying to fall asleep. I couldn't help but correlate that as we request respect from Caden, as does God from us. As we have Caden's safety and well being in mind, as does God with us. I had a study this week that focused on Deuteronomy 28:58-63.

58 If you do not carefully follow all the words of this law, which are written in this book, and do not revere this glorious and awesome name-the Lord your God-59 the Lord will send fearful plagues on you and your descendants, harsh and prolonged disasters, and severe and lingering illnesses. 60 He will bring on you all the diseases of Egypt that you dreaded, and they will cling to you. 61 The Lord will also bring on you every kind of sickness and disaster not recorded in this Book of the Law, until you are destroyed. 62 You who were as numerous as the starts in the sky will be left but few in number, because you did not obey the Lord your God. 63 Just as it please the Lord to make you prosper and increase in number, so it will please him to ruin and destroy you. You will be uprooted from the land you are entering to possess.

I first thought, geez, how rude. So many threats from a God that loves us and wants the best for us. I read on in the devotional about how the lesson shows how the bible contains words of encouragement as well as words of warning, yet we sometimes focus solely on the words of encouragement. I voiced to Gary later that day my struggle with feeling the respect for God sometimes. He is not physically present to remind me, or put me in time out, therefore I fall into the pattern of neglect of respect for God and the obedience he desires from us. This world has tainted my image of God at times. Zeus, gods of other religions, worldly desires to put myself first--all of these only help me struggle in wrapping my mind around the concept of there being our one God that demands for us to worship and respect him. How is it silly for these gods to require that, yet necessary and reasonable for God to?

I don't question this in a way where I disagree with it--this is where I feel like I have the faith in my christian beliefs and know that this is true. I also want to be open with God, and whomever, about my struggles and the thoughts that I may have regarding my faith. Not that I may open a door of insecurity and let Satan make himself at home, but that I may find reassurance or even peace in feeling that it's okay to not always grasp the magnitude of God and all that He is. We are human. We are of this world. I personally don't think that at this level we are capable of understanding it all.

I know in my heart that God is in control of all things that are good and bad, that we understand or that we can't even wrap our minds around. Yet, as we demand Cadens respect and obedience, I turn around and don't even give that much to God.

Our actions of disciplining Caden are necessary for him to understand boundaries, be it for safety or respect. I can't shake the feeling that Gods actions of discipline and request for us to honor him are for the same reasons. The degree of seriousness I feel like do not compare, don't get me wrong, I know I am comparing worldly situations to that of religious level. But lying there, trying to fall asleep, I felt as if God opened my perspective and views towards his warnings as if to say, 'Amanda. Don't you get it? As you are trying to help your son understand the boundaries of life and have only his best interest in mind, as am I for you. My requests for respect and obedience are not out of selfishness but for your best interest, as yours are for you children. Just as there are consequences to disobedience for your children, as there are for mine. You are my child. You are a child of God.'

I hope that as my faith grows so will my respect for God, but I also hope that even if I struggle with this concept forever that my faith not waver and I stand strong in my hearts knowledge that this is what I believe in, even if it is hard to wrap my mind around at times, and even if I stumble or sin. I don't want to hold onto my failures, sins, wrong-doings. I want to hold onto Gods promise, take caution to his warnings, and grow in my understanding of his word.

ONE

ONE MONTH

One month has come and gone with the blink of an eye. Reid has shown to be pretty easy going thus far. He's adorable, of course, and can give some killer looks that hold what seems like a bunch of built up attitude I'm sure we'll experience some day. Here's what's up in Reid world:

-He deals with the loud noises and unsuspecting 'hugs' from his big brother like a champ

-He was already 8 lb 2 oz at his two week appointment, and has been eating and growing well, so we guess he's up to 10 lbs maybe, or close to it.

-He'll usually give me a good five hour stretch for the first part of the night. We still have to establish more of a good routine for the bedtime feeding, the last feeding before bed has varied between 9-11 usually, all depending on when his daytime feedings fall. 

-He's starting to fight sleep more, just seems like it's been harder to get him to settle on his own and I've been using the moby wrap during the day when it's just me and the boys to help snuggle him up for naps and be able to be attentive to Caden and whatever to-do's there are to get done.

-He's a strong little guy. Pushes up on his legs and holds his head up well, will arch his back towards whatever he wants to look at.

-He's making more and more eye contact, especially these last few days.

-He loves the lights, always loves to stare off into the lights.

-He's already moved into his 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers.

-He does well with the soothie pacifier--it doesn't seem like we'll have another thumb sucker with this one

-He's starting to show his own characteristics. At first we were seeing a lot of resemblances to Caden, and still sometimes do, but more so really have been able to see and experience little Reid for who he is and not seeing as much of his big brother in him now. 

-The car rides are 50/50 with Reid and when he gets worked up, man does he get worked up! He gets so red and so upset if that paci falls out in the car-hopefully that will just be a stage and Caden can entertain and distract him more once he gets older. 

-He drops bum bombs as if he's a grown man. Sorry, Reid, you'll probably hate me when you're older for documenting that--or maybe not since you're a boy--but you do, and it's pretty funny coming from such a pint sized cutie. 

-He's already been 'sick' twice, unfortunately. It is that time of year, after all, and luckily it's only shown through congestion and snot. He's been good with the little nose sucker and saline and both times have only lasted about a week. 

(look at the adorable quilt my sister made for Reid. She made both my boys their first quilts. She is the best, got this one done so quick, and it is so special to me to have that for them. Not sure if she'll ever know how much it means to me, love her so much and am so thankful to have her and her giving heart in my life!)

We love our little guy. Reid, I love your snuggles, your smell, I love your little snorts and turtle neck when you stretch out. I love when you keep your legs tucked up and your bum sticking out after a good cuddle. You are so sweet and precious. I never want to wish away these days and want you to be able to cuddle up on my chest and stay in my arms, but at the same time I am so eager to see the little boy that you will become. Caden is at such a fun, and trying, stage that I'm curious to see how you will be. It goes by so fast. It's amazing to me where we are now when I think back to when we found out we were pregnant with Caden. Seems like just yesterday he was a baby and now he's a rambunctious toddler and Reid is our little snuggle baby. 

I want to slow myself down and take advantage of the time I have with you at this stage. Our days go by quick at home between the two boys and house chores-I just want to savor all of you as a newborn--you have already changed so much within this last month. 

Your father and I love you so much, Reid. Happy one month little buddy!

Transition

Gary and I feel very blessed to have our children. It still takes me back to even say 'our children' now. The first time we really said it Gary was saying our bedtime prayers with Caden and mentioned something about protecting our children and I was instantly in tears.

Adjusting from one to two was much harder than I had imagine it to be. I didn't even mentally prepare myself for the emotional change it would have on me, and I am not sure if I ever could. I had the thoughts of if we went into labor as Caden was awake that I would feel as if saying goodbye to him during the day to go to the hospital would be like saying 'goodbye, we're going to get a new replacement baby!'. Even just going into Caden's room to give him a kiss goodbye as he slept felt surreal. The first night in the hospital it hit me. Gary went home to be with Caden and we face-timed each other which was precious and good to see my little boy but instantly brought me to tears as I felt torn for the first time wanting to be where I was, snuggling our new baby boy, and wanting to be back home playing with Caden.

Then, as we transitioned home, the adjustment became real on another level. Caden wanted that attention, I needed to heal, Reid needed the newborn attention, I wanted to snuggle and get to know my new baby-it was a tug of war and in so many different directions. It's gotten easier in some ways, but Reid is still in a demanding stage-at least eating every three hours during the day, along with other baby needs, and as I'm healed I feel able to be more active as I was with Caden but don't have the energy or time that I once had. The balancing act has thus begun and, as I've been told, will continue for a long time. I know I won't be able to master it-but I truly hope I can find good, fun ways to get one on one time with each child and have good family time all together. Now that we've made the decision for me to work part time from home, I want to take advantage of that gift and the time at home that I will have with the boys.

Parenting is an overwhelming thought sometimes and the reality that we are human and so imperfect, yet given these crazy, hyper, amazingly perfect and challenging little human beings to raise in this awesome yet chaotic world is too much to swallow at times. As a parent, you can't be too hard on yourself because it's one heck of a hard job, but we can at least try our best. There's not always a right or wrong answer in anything in this job and what works for one family or one child won't work for the next. I constantly find myself praying for guidance for Gary and I as parents. That God help us guide our little boys as they turn into young men. I wept while I prayed over Reid two nights ago. I instantly feel a tug at my heart when I am holding or looking at one of my little boys and praying for their well being. This world is an unpredictable place. We know all that God has promised, yet we don't know all that he has planned for us and it takes me back thinking that my children may have good or bad fortune in their lives.

The momma bear in me wants to wrap them up in my arms and protect them forever and always. Let no harm come to them. Let no mean, rude, hateful people cross their paths. Not let Satan use any of his sneaky, appealing temptations on them and trip them up. Yet that is what life is about. I am starting to learn more that life is about encountering all those situations-the good and the bad and making the most of each one. Showing God's love and perseverance through all that he hands you. God uses us in big and small ways, in ways we couldn't imagine and never could see coming-and I pray that my boys are open and willing to let God work in their lives. That no matter what path they take, if they stray or not, that they keep God at the center of their heart. He is the only constant that stays true and faithful.

My boys will grow from these sweet little babies, to a now toddler, to a teen, then they'll want to move away from the most amazing mommy ever and find some lucky lady to call their wife..I know it will happen all to fast and in the blink of the eye our nest will be empty. Until then, little men of ours, please know and see the great love that your father and I have for you both. We wish the best for you in all areas of your life and support you boys no matter what in anything you want to do.

Hopefully our boys will see our best effort being given, learn to forgive us when we stumble, and learn humility and patience as we all grow together as a family of four.