Transition

Gary and I feel very blessed to have our children. It still takes me back to even say 'our children' now. The first time we really said it Gary was saying our bedtime prayers with Caden and mentioned something about protecting our children and I was instantly in tears.

Adjusting from one to two was much harder than I had imagine it to be. I didn't even mentally prepare myself for the emotional change it would have on me, and I am not sure if I ever could. I had the thoughts of if we went into labor as Caden was awake that I would feel as if saying goodbye to him during the day to go to the hospital would be like saying 'goodbye, we're going to get a new replacement baby!'. Even just going into Caden's room to give him a kiss goodbye as he slept felt surreal. The first night in the hospital it hit me. Gary went home to be with Caden and we face-timed each other which was precious and good to see my little boy but instantly brought me to tears as I felt torn for the first time wanting to be where I was, snuggling our new baby boy, and wanting to be back home playing with Caden.

Then, as we transitioned home, the adjustment became real on another level. Caden wanted that attention, I needed to heal, Reid needed the newborn attention, I wanted to snuggle and get to know my new baby-it was a tug of war and in so many different directions. It's gotten easier in some ways, but Reid is still in a demanding stage-at least eating every three hours during the day, along with other baby needs, and as I'm healed I feel able to be more active as I was with Caden but don't have the energy or time that I once had. The balancing act has thus begun and, as I've been told, will continue for a long time. I know I won't be able to master it-but I truly hope I can find good, fun ways to get one on one time with each child and have good family time all together. Now that we've made the decision for me to work part time from home, I want to take advantage of that gift and the time at home that I will have with the boys.

Parenting is an overwhelming thought sometimes and the reality that we are human and so imperfect, yet given these crazy, hyper, amazingly perfect and challenging little human beings to raise in this awesome yet chaotic world is too much to swallow at times. As a parent, you can't be too hard on yourself because it's one heck of a hard job, but we can at least try our best. There's not always a right or wrong answer in anything in this job and what works for one family or one child won't work for the next. I constantly find myself praying for guidance for Gary and I as parents. That God help us guide our little boys as they turn into young men. I wept while I prayed over Reid two nights ago. I instantly feel a tug at my heart when I am holding or looking at one of my little boys and praying for their well being. This world is an unpredictable place. We know all that God has promised, yet we don't know all that he has planned for us and it takes me back thinking that my children may have good or bad fortune in their lives.

The momma bear in me wants to wrap them up in my arms and protect them forever and always. Let no harm come to them. Let no mean, rude, hateful people cross their paths. Not let Satan use any of his sneaky, appealing temptations on them and trip them up. Yet that is what life is about. I am starting to learn more that life is about encountering all those situations-the good and the bad and making the most of each one. Showing God's love and perseverance through all that he hands you. God uses us in big and small ways, in ways we couldn't imagine and never could see coming-and I pray that my boys are open and willing to let God work in their lives. That no matter what path they take, if they stray or not, that they keep God at the center of their heart. He is the only constant that stays true and faithful.

My boys will grow from these sweet little babies, to a now toddler, to a teen, then they'll want to move away from the most amazing mommy ever and find some lucky lady to call their wife..I know it will happen all to fast and in the blink of the eye our nest will be empty. Until then, little men of ours, please know and see the great love that your father and I have for you both. We wish the best for you in all areas of your life and support you boys no matter what in anything you want to do.

Hopefully our boys will see our best effort being given, learn to forgive us when we stumble, and learn humility and patience as we all grow together as a family of four.