Woven

Let me start off by saying that this is an opinion post. My intentions on writing this are purely so I will have this in our year of blogs book and will be able to share this with my children. What if I am taken from this world sooner than I expect? I want my children to be able to hear my voice even if all they get is written text. Why? Because I'm their mother. I want them to be able to be strong, independent individuals, but as their mom I do feel like I want them to know where I stand, know the morals of which I choose to live by-whether or not I fail at times-I, selfishly or not, want them to know my convictions. That being said-if you take offense to any of the below, my apologies. Feel free to brush it off and realize that this is not about you. Simply a mother speaking her mind. Also, maybe it will be easier to hold myself accountable if it's written and out there. This is long and sporadic (true to my story telling kiddos) so hang in there.

Some things in life are good woven...actually, woven bacon is the only thing that really comes to mind. But as of recent I've noticed more and more that Satan is excellent at weaving.

I remember as a youth experiencing a moment at church camp that I still vividly remember. I can't remember which leader did this-but as they were starting the lesson they picked up a bible and started flipping through it. Then, as we watched in shock, started ripping out pages. Not all, just a select few. He would flip through and quote 'For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.' (John 3:16) Yeah, I like that one. Flip again and quote 'Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.' (Colossians 3:5) Nah. I think that one is too hard, too strict-and he tore it out. His point was that the bible is not something in which you can pick and choose what you want to agree with and/or follow. You take it all or you don't.

How often do we live like that. In reality I feel like some days I could have a paper trail of scripture that I have laid by the waist side, walked on, spit on and ignored-all due to my selfishness. Yet still trying to hold on to his promises he has made-yet not hold myself accountable to follow all of his instructions.

This world is dark and lonely at times. But it is only what you make of it. If you fall to the excuse that this is just how things are now then you will be another stepping stone for Satan. Stand out. Stand strong. Fight against the new normal. The new normal is NOT normal. It is just a blanket of sin that Satan has conveniently woven over time to become thicker and thicker and we sometimes can't even see through it.

Matthew 6:22-23
²² “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!


De-rail with me for a moment...Recently I have felt a bit of confusion towards the scripture as I've started in a womens bible study. It is a study wrapped around the covenant that God was instructing Moses to build. Now, my hiccup is weird, and I don't exactly know how to provide the best wording-but the more and more as I read scripture that involves God instructing us to worship and praise him the more I find myself fighting the feeling of being a little put off. Here I am mentally pulling apart the word of God, wanting to pick and choose what I like about it. I personally think it's the self-righteous feeling of 'who are you to tell me to bow down to you?' Even thinking it makes me feel bad, but if I'm not honest with myself I'm afraid Satan will make these doubts grow and grow to where I can't reasonably grasp them. 

This is where I think I need to put some time into studying religion. I think maybe it would be beneficial to me to have more of an understanding of what I'm 'up against'-for the lack of better words. I don't feel like this is necessary out of curiosity, but with the initial doubt I find myself thinking how is this any different from any other religion in which you are to idolize a figure. I know in my heart it is different, but I feel like if my 'religious blade' is not sharp then I may be weak against the enemy. Lost yet? Yeah, so am I.

Okay, back on track. Matthew 6:22-23 says that if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be as such. This is so true I can't shout it loud enough. We are selfish, lustful, easily provoked sinners. If we are to have a daughter, I hope I can truly educate her on the importance of presenting yourself tastefully-not in a way to trip up other men and temp their eyes to wander. I still remember some sexual scenes from movies or late night TV that I was too young to decipher. This 'new normal' that we live in is full of body exploitation and an over acceptance of porn. Just last night while out to eat there was a commercial on that, oddly enough, was displaying a mans body in only underwear multiple different ways. Really? Take me back to middle school as I had to make myself look away because in my mind, the only male body I am to desire and gawk over is my husbands.

I have not read the book Fifty Shades of Grey-but I do think you do not have to read it to know what it's all about. It's in the news, on Facebook, a movie is being made for it-I have heard it described as 'mommy porn'. Now-again, I have not read it-but I do hope that there is a darn good story line nicely woven in between descriptive sex scenes in which people are using as their excuse. Yet, then again, it's just another excuse of this world. If I feel so strongly about not wanting my husband to view sexual images, why would it be acceptable for me to read sexual descriptions. Is our mind not just as strong as our eyes. You may show me a split second of something with my eyes, but it is my mind that takes hold of that and brings that sin up randomly throughout the day.

Sure, we watch some junk TV-Walking Dead is our vice and scares me everytime. One sin is no greater than another. A sin is a sin. But this soapbox is focusing on the sin of lust and how Satan has woven in lust amongst great story lines, normal advertisement, and even that trip that you are going on-no one will know you, so dress and act as you please-right? Sure, because the males and females there are made differently.....false. This is where I stand, and this is where it may change person to person-sometimes in my mind I would beg to differ on the last part when it comes to lust because we are all human and God has blessed us with being attracted to our spouses and to be able to enjoy that with.them.only.-BUT as for me, I know that I my noggin does not discard sexual immoralities as easily as I wish it would. I pray over my mind and it's thoughts-be it gossip, judgement, anger, patience or lust. I constantly find myself having to pray for God to help keep my mind holy. 

Satan has woven a tight, false acceptance blanket over society and I want to fight against that. This world does not make that easy, but it is the choices that we make each day that will decide which way we will fall. I want to fall again and again into the Lords arms and be at home in his righteousness. Yet, sadly, I find myself falling into the overly comfortable blanket of sin, cushioned with excuses, that Satan has woven for us.

Caden, and future babies, you won't be babies forever. Your childhood goes by too quickly and before you know it temptation is knocking at your door. The forms it may take are endless. Guard your heart. Be willing to stand against the crowd and say no to things that will make your eyes unhealthy and ultimately fill you with darkness. It is okay to feel silly, odd and an outcast when you are protecting your heart. You need to do this. You need to stay pure for God, for yourself, for your spouse, as an example to your children, other believers and non-believers. It feels as if it's an uphill battle at times, but lucky for you, God is by your side and even more lucky for you-you can do all things through Christ whom strengthens you. (Philippians 4:13)

1 Timothy 4:12-'Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.'

Young or old-don't let Satan's woven creations get the best of you. Stand out and stand strong.

Don't be afraid to let your voice be heard. The more you sit back in your comfort zone the more the enemy will take center stage.

ONE YEAR

HAPPY ONE YEAR LITTLE MAN!!! It brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart when I think about how quick this last year has gone.

-You have progressed quickly in the world of walking. It's adorable and strange to see sometimes, our little baby isn't supposed to be able to walk already!
-You are such an explorer. Always climbing onto anything you can, so curious as to the sounds around you and anything new that catches your eye.
-You have an adorable ornery smile. You know what is off limits in the house (trash can, toilet, dog bowl, laptop, tv stand and dvd rack-which is going away soon) but you still test the boundaries while looking right at us and shooting us the 'are you going to say no??' smile.
-You are a mocker. More recently with laughing. Not something I think we can catch on camera due to it being sporadic, but man would I love to. It's pretty funny-a sarcastic little three chuckles right back at someone when they laugh.
-You LOVE to eat. Mostly taking just nighttime bottles, but sometimes a few for naps-and all together not sure how long any of the bottles will last. You drink your milk and water great (most days), but you for sure can put away some food. Seems like you're always up for a snack and some good mooching if it's not your official breakfast/lunch/dinner time.
-You play pretty well on your own, always on the go now. Throwing your Grover remote, playing around and on your little kid 'house', blocks, balls, books-you name it, you like it.
 

You are a fun little guy. We are humbled when people complement on how cute and personable you are. You are a little timid to strangers, but not much more than the normal new surroundings shy. You easily adjust to new situations, surroundings and/or people. It has been such a wonderful last year. I'm proud to be able to say that your dad and I have been able to let God into our lives more than ever, grow stronger in our relationship through God and are so blessed to have to opportunity to become parents together.

Throughout this last year we have learned how to navigate this new life of less sleep and less 'selfish' time. It hasn't been purely cloud nine-but I wouldn't hesitate to say it hasn't been close. Through your getting sick, the typical over-thinking new parents do and in general figuring out a good balance of our new daily routines we have become closer than I could have wished for.

When I was younger I heard a friend say you choose to love someone-rather than relying on just feelings. I pray that God continues to bless you with the loving and kind heart you have. That you move mountains-and remember that whether or not it looks like a mountain in your eyes does not mean it isn't one in another persons. You don't need to be on the cover of any magazine to change the world, God can work through you more than you'll ever imagine, keep an open and willing heart and be willing to stand out against the crowd. Don't settle for the things of this world. Find a strong, loving and faith-driven woman that you choose to love each day despite our natural sins and selfishness that sometimes slips through. Be willing to apologize if you sin against each other, no matter how big or small, and always be quick to forgive.

Continue to take each day as it comes and be thankful for the days you are given. Don't underestimate 'live, laugh, love.' especially laugh-always find the humor in things, take everything with a grain of salt.

I'm sure once you're older and wanting to leave my side more and more it'll be harder to say that due to a bit of mom-jealousy, but I hope that's not the case and God helps this momma with smooth transitions for you and any future kiddos. We will always pray long and hard over you, Caden. You are precious and we are so thankful for this first year with you-and continue to pray for guidance, patience, health and happiness in the years to come.

Love you, Caden. Thank you for giving us a wonderful first year as parents. XoXoXo

Catch All

ONE walking baby still crawling for the most part once he falls, but majority of walking first and getting better and better at balance and distances. This was the your first big brave moment...looking like you have a bum leg and all adorable. it's crazy. makes me want to clap and cry all in one!

TWO concrete pours added on a sweet little addition to the back patio. HUGE thanks to Stan the Man for all his help. Uncle Gary and Uncle Dave got dragged in a bit too-such handy men and helpers in our lives, feeling blessed.

 THREE days of fever about two weeks ago Caden ran a fever of 101.5 for three days. varied a little but consistently hung around that temp. lethargic, not much interest in food or drink, thought too high for teething and just a random little bug but who knows-definitely not us. Little man didn't even notice the cheerio I placed on his nose one bit. Baby Animals is like the twilight zone-just sucks ya in.

FOURth tooth working it's way in...sssllloooowwwwly.

FIVE work days down-TGIF
SIX hours of date night last Saturday cut short to dinner and rented movie due to Gary's horrible bursitis. not a fun time for him to say the least :/

SEVEN weeks old nephew Toby and Denai welcomed Huckleberry Joseph Lee on June 22nd. He is adorable. feast your eyes and be jealous. the last making it look as if I'm giving him a head lock (not the case). He's adorable and his big sisters are wearing their title with pride

EIGHT days until Caden is 12 months old. less of a sting if you put it in months....are you flipping kidding me. 1st Birthday?! Sign me up for the cry session please. add my good aunt flo to that, a box of kleenex and P.S. I love you-I could get a years worth of crying out.

NINE hours of high temp yesterday. like, drop everything I was doing at work and go get him high. woke up with 101.5, advil helped that go down to 99 for daycare, yet a few short hours after spiked up to 103. dropped a degree after some advil and was able to get into the east location for Cadens doctors office. hand, foot and mouth diagnosis and outlook of '5 days with fever' later we were home with a whimpering 104.3 temp baby. had over an hour until another dose could be given, at the earliest, so a lukewarm bath was given which helped soothe and led to sleepy cuddles until we could give some milk and more advil before bed (104.7 at that point-insert freakout face here.)

TEN hours of sleep and woke up to see God truly blessing Caden through much needed healing. was a high 99, low 100 all day. Ate and drank and even played some-great day with daddy in our eyes-didn't expect such a positive turn around with the night before being so grim. God.is.good. 

 one, two, skip a few, ninety-nine, one hundred.

FIFTEEN day old nephew oceans away my brother and his wife had baby Alexander on Friday, July 26th. He is precious. I long to hold him, snuggle and kiss his tiny self, to hug them in congratulations and to laugh together-sleep deprived and all.  they are already great parents-couldn't be more proud of and excited for them. Alex has the cutest expressions. He's a handsome little fella-love him so much.

KC Trip

Last weekend my mom, sister and I ventured out to KC for the weekend. After an ample amount of laughs, good food and drinks-it's a no-brainer this will become a yearly tradition.

We got in late Friday, walked over to the Melting Pot and chatted and laughed over some chocolate and wine then walked back to chat and laugh some more while doing our nails. I think the theme of this trip was 'chatting and laughing'...lucky us:)

Saturday we slept in a bit. Erin and I hit the streets for a beautiful run-nothing better than a good run somewhere different and unique. Freshened up a bit so the hotel restaurant would let us in and enjoyed a yummy breakfast there. It wasn't laying by the pool weather like we had planned, but it was perfect weather for shopping and walking around the Plaza. After an amazing fancy shmancy dinner at The Capitol Grille we were off to enjoy the Starlight outdoor theater showing of The Little Mermaid. All of the above was great.

One last hoorah at an Irish Pub where, whether it was what we expect or not, we had a blast. That being said-you could put us in a boring hole in the wall and we would have a blast. Especially if that hole in the wall serves cake vodka...just saying.

We got a little bonus morning breakfast at the hotel with Josh and Jayne and then off we were homeward bound. I can't even believe we haven't done something like this before. Shame on us. Lesson learned and that mistake will never be repeated again.

I love these two so much. They make me so happy. They're brutally honest, stupid silly, have great humor and love strong. Can't get much better than that.

 

How'd this adorable-growing-up-way-too-fast cutie get in here? This is the cuteness I got to come home too, aside from Gary:) Teething stinks, and Caden looking that big also stinks. Gah!

Eleven

Last month as a baby. Psychhhhhhh! You'll always be my baby, sorry buddy, you don't get a say in that one. You are a hoot. Constantly on the go, extremely curious, super chatty and so funny. You definitely keep us busy and on our toes-but we wouldn't trade it for anything. It's so rewarding-honestly hard to put into words the amount of joy you bring to us little man.

So, what's up in your world?

-You've recently weighed in at 17lb 12 oz and about 28'' long.
-After a blood test (you were such a trooper!!) we got the results back that you check normal for allergies-woohoo! Finally a set answer, and you've LOVED cheese so far, so bonus for you!
-Speaking of food-you eat table food like it's no ones business. Almost anything you can have you'll take-more recently hot dogs, chicken nuggets, applesauce, cheese, and blueberries. You love blueberries! 
-Just recently you've broken through your first top tooth-making your current total three. Slow going with those. This top one coming in has taken a toll on you though, making you irritable, tired, appetite change (bottle and food)-just throws a big ol' curve ball to you and to us. No fun, and we feel so bad because you can just tell you are not comfortable. Luckily-the last two days have been much better, haven't had to give you any tylenol to help and you are getting back to the 'normal'
-You are a crazy fast crawler and continue to walk more and more holding onto even just one hand. Starting to work more from one object to the next on your own-we think it won't be long before you're a lean, mean walking machine.
-In addition to crawling/start of walking you are always wanting to climb on things.
-You're curiosity gets the best of you. Just today I was in the bathroom flossing and heard you crawling in, but didn't hear much more and figured you had stopped and looked at me until I responded to your presence...nope, you were pulled up on the toilet and one millasecond away from your little finger in the water. sick.

-You love the dishwasher and love, love, love the fridge. As mentioned earlier, you'll climb into the fridge or freezer if/when you can. I'll have to admit, against our better judgement, we let you have 'fridge time'. It keeps you entertained and makes you so happy-especially during the teething mentioned before.
-You are a chatterbox. Mostly you're always yelling 'Da!! DaDaDaDa!!!'-the way you yell it always makes us laugh because it's as if you are honestly yelling at your daddy. Just today you've added 'Ma! MaMaMa!'-which I love of course. You're chatter, no matter what it is, is adorable.
-Speaking of chatter, you also say 'no'. Not sure yet if you truly understand the meaning, and don't think you do, but the timing you have sometimes when you say no is just so ironic it's really hard to think you don't know what you're saying.
-You love being scared/startled. Going around the corner from you and popping out with a good 'boo!' gets the best belly laugh ever!

You are so fun. It's such a sweet and wonderful gift that God's given us to be able to have you as our son. We couldn't ask for a more loving, friendly, and personable little boy. As much as I can wait for you to get bigger, I also can't wait to see how God will use you. I pray so much that we help show you God's love, show you the power of His love and kindness. It's scary having a child in the world as it is-so full of hatred and sin-I pray, and will always pray, for you to be able to see the good in people, be able to be forgiving as God has and continues to forgive us, know that no one is perfect-we are all born sinners and we all need God to help us each and every day. Humble yourself in that, Caden. I know you will be able to do great things, but all through the guidance and faith that I hope you gain in God. You already have a big heart, buddy, use it wisely little man.

Your dad and I love you to the moon and back, and again, and again, and again. XOXO

Fourth of July

First Fourth of July for Caden was great! We went to Copper Oven for breakfast, went home and had naps and relaxed, ran to the store to get all the fruit, successfully cut out pineapple stars and then off we were to Aunt Erin and Uncle Ben's for family hang out, dinner and fireworks.

We were super lucky and got some yummy bbq ribs, brisket and hot links from Mark and Mary-huge thanks for cooking all that and sharing-it was delish! Caden didn't make it for the bigger fireworks, but still was able to see some fun ones-and stayed up till after 8:30, which is midnight in his world. Slept great in the pack&play while we got to enjoy some desert and more fireworks once it got darker. 

Great time with family. Always just amazes me how fast our nephews and nieces grow/change, so fun to be able to enjoy them and grow those relationships. All in all nice and relaxing QT...just can't beat that.

A special thanks to all our troops past, present and future. We greatly appreciate all the sacrifices you have made and continue to make for this country.

Happy Independence Day, America!