Money, Money, Money

Finances.

Alright. I'm dropping the mic there and letting you draw your own, likely reasonable, conclusions to this post.

What do most couples fight about? Sex, Finances and I forget the third, maybe sex again, I don't know.

Gary and I don't really fight. Twice recently Caden has gotten onto us saying, 'Guys! Are you fighting?!' when once we were teasing each other on different opinions, pure fun, and second when we were talking about another topic with enthusiasm. No fighting and kind of odd that he's catching onto that when it's not really in his surrounding much.

I guess it depends how you define fighting. We get at odds, and sometimes I'd like to push him right over and rant on and on about all the things I am certainly right about and have no wrong...but, we haven't had long lasting battles. God has really worked through us in this area, helping us grow to be humble, forgiving or ask forgiveness, and move on. And, well, being at odds just sucks so we try to get back on track sooner than later to help our whole world feel more in line.

But, we went against the typical advice the other night and went to bed mad. After ending on a bad note we didn't speak the rest of the night and felt at odds into the next morning and MAN I just hate that.

Throws me off in all areas. Makes me feel frustrated and off with the kids even and blah.

We put on our happy-ish faces for church, which thankfully throughout softened our hearts and helped break the tension.

I dare you to hold hands during a sermon, while in a tiff, and not feel some sort of conviction and stupidity to the nonsense anger. There-all differences solved. Just find a sermon to hit up and hold hands. #worldpeace

Okay back at it-We later spear headed the conversation and moved on, Whew. And...it all was wrapped around finances.

It's been on our mind for what's next for us for a while now. Another baby sometime? Finish Gary's masters work? Sell/buy bigger home? Win the lotto? Could ya'll lift up that last one in prayer, because it's obviously top priority here. Prioritizing is my thing.

Just wondering, without trying to wonder. If that makes sense. Trying to hand over control and over thinking of the tomorrows to God, but also being responsible to have a reasonable game plan.

So. Current game plan now is to legitimately have our goal set and in mind to save up to move. Because if the first question ever does come into play, more space would be appreciated. And we can't do schooling and saving to move at the same time, so what do we want to work towards? We landed on home.

Education is key, and important, but also costly and with all the craziness right now who knows the benefit of it at this moment. Yada Yada, there's my defensiveness thinking about some pre-judging possible thoughts.

SO YEAH. Tight budget. Already messed up a bit. Hence the tension and breakthrough and here we are going to try Option A, then if we can't be honorable to that, Option B towards savings and living within our means.

BUT here's the deal, I know, finally. And, shocker mixed with dejavu. I got out of the word and out of prayer for two days. Over which our version of the turds hit the fan and we got in a funk.

Two days. People, that's all it can take and here that's all it did take. It wasn't until this evening that I had a constant tug about doing the study days I had missed, even though evening study isn't my normal, so I did. And BAM. Right in my face two topics hitting the exact area that I am struggling with and wasn't giving up control over.

First study went over Matthew 6:25-34. Highlighting verses 33-34, of that verse 33 is on my fridge-right in front of my stinking face, yet I chose to ignore it and look past its significance and realness.

'But seek first His kingdom & His righteousness & all those things will be given to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'

Through Matthew 6:25-34 God gives a multitude of reasons to not be anxious. John Piper points out in this study to not just call God's reasons simplistic, but call it grace. BELIEVE HIM!

Take every reason and preach it to your sole as true. Remember His words, remember His promise, His reasons and don't let them sit by the waste side wishing they would be heard and put into use when they are just dying to shout a saving song into your heart. Let them reign in your soul, let them be true, let them save you from Satan's lies and deceit that he loves to tangle you in causing issues between you and your spouse, you and your family, you and God.

Secondly, what does it mean to serve God?

Am I serving Him in a way that is calling attention to Him as an authority figure and not a treasure? Am I doing what He says in a way that shines glory on the giver?

Serving gladly, not anxiously, trusting in God through serving Him-He will supply our needs. Know that our needs are not always our wants. We have vision the size of a mustard seed compared to His.

It doesn't mean when we come up to our weekly spending, bills, so forth, that I won't yet again have to fight myself in giving that trust to God.

To stay humble. To purposefully avoid things that may lead me to feel discontent. To focus on all the big and little things around me to keep me grounded.

This feels a bit repetitive, but I could not ignore the way God chose to shout out the reminder that He was there, patiently waiting for me to knock, yet I had my back turned towards His door looking to make sure I didn't miss anything on my own yet.

So. I share. Repetitive or not, our same issues will be as such, and here was our current that as much as I hated we went through, I am glad we did.

We have a plan. We have a backup plan, because, duh. But most importantly, we have the first of each day to stop and focus on the mission of God over our mission of home/kids/schooling/life.

And right here, I could really use the hands up in the air, arm muscle, and peace out emoji's...

A literal, and simple every day, Jesus take the wheel

I heard this story, err something along these lines because recalling stories isn't my strong suit, in a sermon a while back about the pastor and his wife:

They were driving on a trip and between a gps and his wife with a map in the passenger seat confusion on where to go set in. He says something to her towards the confusion and she says back 'It is not the passengers fault if the driver doesn't get to the destination.' In which he stops and responds, 'That would be good sermon!'

If you are the one driving and leading your life, having God in the passenger seat to blame for misdirection, but don't fully let Him drive. Him lead. Him take the wheel and you follow---well, you'll just end up crashing on way or another.

With that thought, I want to shine some light on our recent good, because I just want to give credit where credit is due.

Gary went to the lake this past weekend with some of his buddies so it was just me and the boys. I worked Friday, and we went to my sisters for pizza and pool with my family that evening. We stayed late, both boys had a blast and didn't even crash on the way home as we all suspected.

Of course, in this house our kids have yet to learn the concept that a late night means you sleep in, so before seven we were up and at 'em. Hit up the gym, came home to play and then later had a friends little guy join us for the night. So, party on, Wayne!

Again. Sleeping in doesn't occur, Reid especially. Up and at 'em again, by eight all nuggets were up and after some yummmmA cinnamon rolls and some outside time we returned our sweet guest and hit up the busy zoo.

Both boys did great, I packed our own little version of a lunchable which Caden thought was cool so that was a win up in here, and we finally got to see the elephants out and close right before we left!

Got home, hung out just a bit before naps and we all three took a nap. Can I get an amen?! Glorious.

I almost forgot to plan food for the week-minor detail-so off to the store for a quick run and swing by the salad bar for a picnic dinner back at home. Then, I saw my pal was beating me in a fitbit weekend challenge so we snuck a walk in, came back to play outside more before bedtime fun.

A-flippin-men. Is that wrong? I mean, amen is good, but I am REALLY feeling the praise so I need a flippin. Hey, could be worse. I could be using my younger years language here...and I'm not. So, you're welcome and apologies for anyone around my dumb pirate mouth back then.

There were negatives-like, the early mornings- but that's not new. A lot of missing my boo thang. I took Reid's shirt off for a bath, he lost his balance, and his face met the outside of the tub, so that sucked for him. And poor dude got a bug bite above his eye that swelled up on him-he looked a mess, but is better now (thank you kids Benadryl). A few lame mom moments of getting more mad than necessary, once over spilled Gatorade. It wasn't a big deal, and not a huge mess, but just hit me at the wrong time I guess. Had to ask forgiveness for that one-dumb emotions got in my way. #shocker

But. Here's the deal...the recap wasn't really needed, but it's all typed out so it's staying...I prayed for this.

I didn't feel it right away, or the whole weekend, but I really focused on this as I was flying solo with them. I'm alone with them during the days, but Gary comes home and gives me adult conversation, love and support. And on the weekends, and now even extra bonus summer days, I get spoiled having that time together.

I usually try to keep us busy, giving the boys things to do that doesn't all fall back on me, leaving me drained. And we did things, but overall-compared to our norm-I felt like we moved in slow motion. We didn't do as much as we normally do on a weekend. Nothing was rushed. Nothing was really planned or had a schedule and it felt so weird, but good.

One of the things I have been focusing on praying for has been for God to give me what I need for the day. To be the mom and wife He's called me to be. To say and show Gods love and truth to others. To take the day for what it is and to have His guidance there.

I could be queen of overthinking-as many others-and it is something I have purposefully been working on. Praying over the day, the moments he has placed in front of us right now and not dwelling on the future. Not to say I still don't think ahead, because, we'll, I just can't help it sometimes, but when I already felt some defeat in these days knowing it would be 100% on me, I had to do a big trust fall on God that he would help give me what I needed for this time.

And He did. Not in a way that I would have expected either. Like I said, I'm more prone to filling up our time and keeping busy, but this wasn't that. It was slow paced and I feel like I took in the time with the boys more than I have for a while.

This afternoon, as I read Reid a book before naptime, Caden came rushing to his room, stood in the door frame and said 'Mom! I just love you so much.' and off he went.

The rush of emotions and praise for that moment was unbeatable. On came tears of gratitude.  Amongst feelings of tired and fear of failing came that sweet bit. It was a wave of love over me-an earthly hug and lift from God.

Thank.You.Jesus.

When you take the weight off your shoulders, when you trust in God to give you the strength, the guidance, and the will for what your day may hold-He will show up.

Through the good and the bad parts of the day, as you learn more and more to follow His lead and not your own--though He may show His grace or love in ways you didn't plan---He will show up.

And that, that I am oh so thankful for as we close our weekend. Cheers to Gary coming home tomorrow and to God helping me be able to file our time under the good memories and not the errrrk messed that one up!