Dear Booger,

 (This is an update/note to my babe so brace yourself. And son, I ramble. I know it, and it's not changing anytime soon so just sit tight lovebug and try to keep up.)

It's been odd not doing the monthly updates for Caden like I had for the first 12 months. He's constantly surprising us with how quick and how much he is learning and picking up new things. He's a chatter box, of course not all he says is comprehensible but he already has a wide vocabulary and is constantly trying to say new things. He's got the basics down-mommy, daddy, doggie, sissy (for MJ), no, mine (whoops), more, please...it goes on...all with a hint of a squeaky, adorable little baby voice. He's starting to mimic our counting, when he says 'love you' it only comes out as 'love me' (pretty one sided and selfish if you ask me, Mr. Caden) and with all this when he repeats he also repeats our tone. Maybe I'm biased, but it's just stinking adorable.
 

Along with finding his voice, he's found his will power. He knows what he wants, when he wants it and he is determined to say the least. That's a good thing, right?! To know what you want in life...only problem is when you're 17 months old and unfortunately for you, you just can't get/do everything you want. Boundaries are a good thing, someday when he's older he'll see the bigger picture but for now it's just time to test away. Besides what I'm going to consider a normal amount of fits-every parents right of passage?-he's easy going and has a great sense of humor. It's ridiculous how he is all little boy now. Within a blink of the eye he is total toddler. Lucky for me, Caden is still a lovable boy and gives me the cuddles my mommy heart desires.

Look at this cuteness. A gal at work gave me two big scraps of paper so we got them out and made them our new coloring pages. Coloring doesn't hold his attention as long as it did at first, but it's still something to do and for some reason, mainly that he's supposed to be swaddled and entirely fit within my arms still, I just can't get over how adorable he is to me while he colors.

The transformation, and the speed of it at that, from baby to boy makes my mommy heart want to curl up in a little ball and cry. Okay-maybe not that drastic, but close. Example-there's a song out there that I don't even know if I've actually heard, but KLOVE had a quick bit on it saying this artist on the surface wrote about her son, but deeper it's also about God. They went on to play some of the lyrics which were along the lines of no matter how I may disappoint you, you still love me. And the host spoke about how no matter how we may disappoint or let him down, he still stands there with open arms and loves us.

I instantly felt a tug at my heart and tears in my eyes. Yes-this is always an awesome message spiritually, but as a parent it also hits so deep. It's hard to not feel like you've doing something wrong almost daily as a parent. It's an amazing, fun road to navigate-but it's not a soft and smooth path and there's very little, if any, signs along the way. There's the books and friendly advice to help-but you can't foresee the mood your little one will be in, the random change in appetite, a fever or teething coming your way, an arch-your-back fit that can take up the little 20-30 minutes you have together in the morning or even the short 2 hours you get after work before bed time. You can't foresee the headache that comes on at work and doesn't go away yet it's the first time in five days your son is not irritable, full of fits and uncomfortable with teething pain or fever so over my dead body will I take a time-out from that limited evening window we get. (amen for excedrin)

Yet no matter what happens, no matter if I lose my patience too easily, give more of my attention to my phone than to him-no matter how I may fail, in his eyes or mine, he is still there. Still wants to play, to laugh, to cuddle and share his love with me. There will be one day where I will be chasing after him for that time. I think as parents we are overly hard on ourselves sometimes-how easy it is to be when the task of raising a child is so big and has so many different aspects to it that I couldn't even fathom. Luckily for us, as we are learning and making mistakes they are easy to forgive and love....at least while he's this young. Even more lucky for us God is no matter the age, time, or mistake.

Caden-I hope to grow old with your father, to be able to see all that you and future babies accomplish in your lives, to know your spouse and kids-but if for some reason Gods plan differs from mine (heaven forbid) this is one of many things I want to you to know. Caden, your father and I constantly pray for guidance in our parenting. We pray for help in knowing how to help you learn in the best way that works for you. We pray that we show the love, mercy, peace and kindness that is from God to you and to others that you may reflect that as well and show those attributes and share Gods love to the world. If it's in God's plan for you to have children of your own remember to turn to him for guidance. To not know God's plan may at times be one of the hardest things to accept, but have faith, have patience and lean not on your own understanding.

You are an amazing boy. I have high hopes for you. Whatever you grow up to be, put forth your best effort but also be okay with failure. You are not perfect, no one is, and that's the beauty of life. Do not put yourself above others, be humble and do not lose sight of God or the blessings that he gives you. Be quick to forgive and move on. There will be triumphs and losses-wear both well. Be open to learning, be open to making mistakes and growing from those. Challenge yourself, don't let yourself conform to this world but push yourself to stand out.

As I type this to you I feel like a hypocrite. It's easy to wish and hope so big for you but allow myself to fall short-so, in that-thank you for helping make us feel driven to be better people in parenting, for our marriage, friendships and personally. Okay, kiddo. I think you've gotten enough mommy rant to fill you for a while. My dream is that I will be able to coax you with lots of candy, or whatever gets your attention, and talk your head off personally.

New rule, for each month of pregnancy you get 5 hours to talk your head off-and in the last 3 that doubles. Yep, I like that new rule, and as a goal I hope to overly exceed this as well. Lucky, lucky you.

You have brought us so much joy, you have made us strong in so many ways-we are excited for all the adventures to come. We love you, Caden.

New Year thus far...

We had a great NYE this year. Spent our evening at my sisters house with her family and my parents. The kids played, and played, and played some more! We played their dance game on the x-box and Caden showed his true skills by continuing to dance and dance behind anyone playing. He loves a good beat and recently has picked up some sweet moves including a lot of 'happy feet' action. Kiddos went to bed, adults played a game shortly joined by Wesley who impressed us on-pretty sure he was better at the game than I was-some NYE cheers and smooches and back to home we went. Party animals-I know. Love a night in with great people, make them your awesome family...even better!

Gary and I were able to go to an awesome event called Hope for Haiti. It was very moving and inspirational-always have that tug at my heart for missions and wanting to do more. We had a good time with friends and made the decision to sponsor an amazing young boy-hoping this is just the start of being able to help others and step outside our comfort zone to do so. Putting your trust in God is hard, and selfishly it seems even harder when it comes to how to use our own finances. I'm always focused on just trying to work hard and overpay on debt so we can be free of those annoying imaginary chains they seem to have on us-yet I so often forget the bigger picture and how we are blessed to have any and all financial income that we do have. That God is the one who has provided that for us and that it's not for us to dwell in, or worry about for that matter-need to check and re-check myself on that and let go of any fears that may come with giving our money be it tithing, sponsoring, etc...anywho...back to showing off my cute date.

After this fun evening started a domino effect of odd sickness in our household-abdominal pains, followed by a cold that turned into pneumonia. Really? Annoying-but so glad the doctors finally found something and those antibiotics kicked that crud fever to the curb after a few days (a few days too many, but take what you can get). We're all getting back to normal. Poor Caden is breaking so many molars in at once he is NOT having it. Can't blame him...but having an irritable toddler on your hands is not totally a bundle of fun. Good thing they make children's pain meds, yummy ice-cream to sooth those gums and thank goodness for kids Netflix. Lots of Thomas the Train and other goodies going on in this house right now.


Onto bigger and better for 2014....I think we're ready for it!

Four Month Round-Up

Four Months. It has been a busy four months since I’ve last shared our adventures, so get ready for a long recap and a few pictures. I think a post or ten of just pictures will be in order after this as well. Caden’s birthday came and went-it was fun and memorable. We were blessed to be surrounded by such great family and friends to celebrate him turning one. We had a fun carnival theme with hot dogs, sides, popcorn, cotton candy and games-can't get better than that, right?!

Caden is all over the place. So curious, so energetic and definitely knows what he wants-a blessing and a curse really. He’s ornery, yes, but just so determined and with communication being there, but not totally being there, it causes for some minor breakdowns here and there. I think we’re working well with trying to be patient in his communications. Caden knows what he wants, that’s not the problem, it’s if we can figure it out sometimes that is the hard part. Luckily for you, there's nothing a good thumb sucking while holding your foot (with sock only) can't solve.

We celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary this year. I’m actually trying to remember what we even did now, maybe dinner and a movie? We had that, my birthday and Gary’s 10 year reunion all in one month so it went pretty fast. Mom brought me lunch for my birthday and Erin sent me some pretty flowers-both super nice:) We were able to tour the school for his reunion which was pretty school. Talk about ‘north side tour’.

Our anniversary actually fell on a Tuesday, and just so happened to be the first day of a 10 week bible study that I did with Amber and Katie. It was a study on the tabernacle by Beth Moore. I really like her and the way she teaches, but had no clue how in-depth the study would be. There were plenty of moments that I think were a bit over my head, maybe just deeper for the older women there that have been on their spiritual journey (for a lack of better words) longer than I have, but despite it being that in-depth I continued to walk away every Tuesday night feeling so moved. Even throughout the weekly study part I was constantly feeling God really speak to me and be able to point out areas I can grow in or areas that have been a struggle. To say it was a positive journey doesn’t even start to cover it. I am so glad that Amber and I got to really grow closer as friends together through it all-she is an awesome person and I love that I can really relate to her despite our different walks in life; such a good friend and so glad God placed her in my life and to be able to experience that together.

 We ventured out to Applejacks Pumpkin Patch this year. We met Toby, Denai and kiddos out there and had a good time. I think next year will be a bit better because Caden will be able to be that much more independent. Probably the story of all one year olds? Just at that age where he can and does want to do it all, but you have to help him...even when it means climbing up a ridiculously sleep hill and down a jankity slide multiple times or trying to hold on tight while on a big bouncy inflatable. Not really bucket list adventures, but I know that one day I'll look back and miss him and other future babes needing my help and wanting me there for that matter. Yikes, that's a sad thought-let's skip to the pictures and just look forward to next years jankity slide.

We also painted pumpkins instead of carving them. You and your buddy Caysen are only a week apart-and both ended up with paint all over. It was fun for you guys and fun for us to get your guys together-need to do it more often!

Halloween fell into the last minute category. Per usual for these last four months it seems. My mom got this donkey type costume for Caden last year, and it fit well enough, but he did not like the hood part being up, which was the whole costume. So that wasn’t going to work. We didn’t really want to spend money on a five minute ordeal, and ended up not even going trick-or-treating. We will next year, I promise, but this was during a stage where I would get home close to 5:30 and he would be ready for bed 6/6:30. So time was limited and trick-or-treating just didn’t fit in this year. We did dress up shortly, and lamely, for Grandma Wendy and Grumpo’s house…it was an attempt at doing something at least…Caden was our coach. Such a sad realization at how much a toddler really does call the shots sometimes. But not as sad as the last minute sharpy to shirt. But hey, he loved the whistle that he got out of the deal!

We threw Katie and Caleb a friends baby shower/cookout a few weeks before Calvin was due. It was so much fun-we haven't been able to get all our good friends together for a long time. It was a great turnout. Great friends, food and yummy sangria-can't go wrong! The camera went off more than planned and caught us all off guard-couldn't stop laughing at the reactions! Katie did wonderful throughout the whole delivery-she’s one tough cookie! I didn’t expect to feel this strong of a love for a child that was not mine, I’m sure I felt that way for my nieces and nephews, but the youngest of those is four so it’s been a few years. I knew I would love the little guy, but I think the bond that I have with Katie just amplified it. I can’t wait to see him grow up, Calvin and Caden develop a friendship (there is no choice in this by the way, boys-you both will be besties) and hope that God truly does bless him and his parents. They are such great friends to us-I never want to lose that.

We got in some family pictures for the Lee’s this year. It was great to be able to get some good pictures of everyone together. Serena really has an awesome talent and pulled it all together so well. It’s always stressful trying to arrange pictures. Who will wear what, where to take them, who will be happy/tired, how will the weather be…all those silly things we dwell on. In reality, I think we should focus more on the fact that we have all our family nearby, healthy and that we’re even able to do this. Hard to do that when you want your 15 month old to be super happy and smile perfect at just the right moment. Yeah-totally realistic goals there, huh?! I think after our 6 month pictures (my fault of really wanting it outside on a cold and super windy day) my sister told me that family pictures are almost doomed to fail-compared to the picture perfect idea we have in our heads. Luckily-Serena is a magician at this and has always somehow pulled out some good ones. Mind over matter on this one—more family pictures will be happening in the future I’m sure, hopefully I can relax more and we can remember to have fun in the ones to come. 

Thanksgiving was good-Yaya and Bubba spent Thanksgiving in Arizona with family this year so we just stuck to the Lee’s side for the day of. Lots of yummy food and family-just can’t beat that. Started to share a chest cold around then between the three of us, which is always fun-but not bad, could be worse. We camped out at Erin and Ben’s the Friday-Saturday after Thanksgiving with Wesley, Bethany and Shepherd while they were on a trip. Fun was had by all-lots of Garfield and games, everyone did great and it’s always nice to have that bonus time with them. 

I was able to get out, despite feeling cruddy, the following Saturday night for a bachelorette party with some good friends. It was fun to get away and have a care-free night with the girls. Much needed and always good to get that time away and in with these fun gals!

I took on the task to make quilts for Robyn, Gracey and Huck for their Christmas presents. The first one I made was for Calvin-it turned out cute; I couldn’t have done it without the help of Erin. She’s a good and patient teacher, and funny-that’s always a bonus when you’re frustrated because the sewing machine has decided to hate you. She also gave me guidance to making a huge, extra-soft blanket for awesome Laura. All the love and care she provides to Caden during the times that we work means more than I can say. He loves it there and it provides a lot of comfort that he does. Each day is a struggle having to leave him-not sure if that will ever get easier, but at least we are blessed to have such a great place to take him to. Her and her kiddos show him love and kindness-and she’s a pro with ‘strong-willed’ boys which is awesome!

We ventured out to the Lights at Botanica this year. It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe how many lights there were. We went with my parents and it went well-unfortunately went later than we had initially planned so that didn’t really play in our favor, but oh well-live and learn.

 

I was able to have off most of Christmas week. It was priceless. Christmas Eve we went to church and to my sisters and spent that evening with my family. Caden took on sleeping in ever since he stayed up later Christmas Eve, so that was an added bonus of the vacation time. Christmas Day was so nice. Just the three of us at home, nothing to do, nowhere to go, and some new toys to play with-that time with Caden and Gary was great. We never get that on the weekends-always have family to see or something to do, which is fine, but just to be able to stop and enjoy our time together was nice. We always say we need to slow done, say sorry to folks and just be more selfish-hopefully we can do this more this next year and years to come. Time flies by way to fast and I don’t want to ever look back wishing we had slowed down more. …anywho…the day after Christmas was spent at Gary’s parents with his side of the family. It was a fun day-we got there late morning and stayed until late afternoon. Caden napped, but not long so he was a tired boy once we got home. 

The rest of our break was simple-days home which were nice. Got house cleaned, carpets cleaned (never thought I would enjoy cleaning the carpet but man it’s good to have that done!) and we were able to have a double date night with Toby and Denai Friday night. First time for me to try Wichita Brewing Company out west-yummy pizza, drinks and good company is always a win. Saturday night we got some good mother/sister time in at Erin’s while working out our Thai quilt. After a lot of struggle trying to do math-we figured that we had 280 squares made, so sewed 560 annoying triangles together-maybe about 50 of those previously done. Whewie. Good thing they are such good company and there was snacks to go with!

Okay-this is enough of a round up for now. This week and NYE post can wait since it’s only Tuesday. Note to self: keeping up with the blog will be much easier than recapping four months. Happy 2013 to us-we’re thankful for all God has given us, struggles and triumphs alike-he.is.GOOD.