New Year, New Me

Jaykay.

I'm not doing that. I think there are benefits to the idea of focusing on one word, one area of improvement and making that your goal for the new year to come. I think it's good to re-evaluate yourself, where you are, where you want to be.

But. I also am in the mood today to say--yeah. whatever. I am who I am. The core things about me are what they are.

If you aren't re-evaluating yourself and your biz throughout the year, then maybe that's what you should review.

A once a year 'do better' checklist just won't cut it for me. I'm too critical, I fluctuate too much, I'm too emotional and in error too often to just think of how I can do better once a year.

Today the sun finally came out this afternoon. I was tired and worn out mentally and physically leading up to naps for the boys. I received an impromptu back rub-after returning from my toddlers room apologizing for getting mad before naps, luckily he's catching on and apologized for slamming the book for no reason and getting mad as well...we're all winning here- and snuck in my own nap after that.

SO. All that ramble to say that with all that combined I thought 'Man. I feel like I could go for a run. What out of reach fitness goal can I set for the new year?'

The above scenario and situation is deceiving to the reality of our day to day. The busy, the to-do, the work hours, keeping the boys alive and well...well enough at least, keeping the house decently clean, yada yada yada...

Why set a goal when I can't always step away to work out, putting the boys in the gym childcare, because in this stage of life it seems like half the time one of them is sick with something. Or the reality that right now stepping away from them to get some solo time most likely means spending time to get work done or with our other commitments.

Rock on if you can do the above. Rock on if there is something that stands out for you, that you want to highlight and focus on during this new year.

For me, I will try to rock on into the new year and work on my contentment.

New Year. Current Me.

I have worked hard to get where I am. God has brought me to this point and I need to be happy with who I am, who He is through me, and where I am. I need to be okay that I'll always be due for attitude and goal adjustments here and there. I'll get in my own time, mentally and physically, but also set aside that mindset and soak up time that we are given to have with the boys, my husband, family and friends.

I will be okay that right now, we are at a busy stage in life. Little ones that need a good amount of attention. That don't like to sleep in. That test my patience and at the same time show me how strong and forgiving love can be.

I will be me. I will strive to love strong, laugh loud, work hard and have some yummy moscato in between.

May this next year bring you lots of good luck and happiness.

 

Cheers to the New Years, friends.

Wrapped up...and not for presents.

In the midst of Christmas Eve service last night I zeroed in on two things: the idea of Mary's response towards the angel telling her she was pregnant with the son of God and the faithfulness of the magi, following the prophets word and history of what they have heard so diligently-seemingly with no doubts.

Did the era and surroundings play a large part in the willingness of people to have such strong faith? Probably in some situations, but I could imagine some people I know of having that level of commitment and loyalty this day and age as well.

What about the presence of angels? Was that helpful to have a more definite sign and message from God? Now, we have the holy spirit and sometimes-as the heart can be so misleading-it's a battle to figure out what is what. But it also mentions sometimes angles appearing in dreams-was it unmistakable? Was their presence so strong that you couldn't mistake it for the mind games and oddness that sometimes dreams bring-as the holy spirit can be?

How is it that just by hearing of the past, just by hearing of the stories passed down from generation to generation that they could grow so strong in their faith?

It amazes me and challenges me all in one. Although they were in a different time and surrounding, they chose to have faith and not doubt. Well, maybe they had moments of doubt-but they chose to preserver through despite any lingering questions or misunderstandings.

There are many thoughts, ideas, questions that I have and will continue to have. So much that is beyond me in concept and beyond me in knowledge. The way I would map out plans, the way I would execute them are not the way that God does or will do.

And that is where I struggle. In the unknown. A recent sermon I listened to pointed out that even if I have a good idea of where He is leading me, I don't know the steps He'll lead me through to get there and I don't know when His plan may take a left when I thought it would take a right.

That is where, like Mary and the magi, I believe to stand in my choice. To not look around the room, at my family, at my job, in my friends, in my life and see where God can fit and work through it all---but instead to look at God first, and see how He will move amongst what He has surrounded me with and what He will do with it all.

Not fit Him into my life, but seek Him first. Let His plans and His will be mine. Have the amazing faith and commitment as Mary did, as the magi did. Follow what has been taught, what has been written, what God has given as directions and quit letting the questions that are bigger than me run over His glory-run over the reality that choosing to believe in God means choosing to believe in Him throughout all the good, the bad, the times or things I can't grasp in understanding-through it all.

All my faith. All my trust. To treat Him, and look at Him as He should be. Not as a God who is there to serve me, my family, my life--but as a God who deserves respect, love and for me to serve Him through my trust, actions and words.

This Christmas is simple and sweet. I feel like I am able to slow down, look around, and see things in slow motion. Not rush through it all. Not play into or play up the gifts and hoopla of the season, able to see the fun in traditions yet try and focus on my beliefs and convictions that without God I wouldn't be here, nor would all those I love, and that we are here for a bigger purpose than ourselves.

Instead of getting wrapped up in my plans, my agenda, I need to try and remember to be open and willing to where God wants to take and use me individually, us in our marriage and as parents, my family, our jobs---every dang thing.

Hard to remember, easy to forget, but worth the fight.

My goodness, if Mary can do it--virgin to pregnant, mother to God's son, be a witness to his ending--MY GOODNESS, people, if Mary can do it why can't we?

Choose Extravagant

Is it always just so easy to feel and see subpar?

Instead of rolling back over, hoping that against the odds the boys sleep in, I got up and did a daily study and read two chapters in the book of Mark. Thinking okay, Amanda, you've felt worn out and discouraged too much lately. Normally, it always leads back to disconnection spiritually and yet again trying to pull from my family, friends or other surroundings to fill me up with joy, love, and satisfaction.

Yet-I think I could read and do a study until I'm blue in the face, but until I mentally step out of myself it won't do any good.

We recently watched a Newspring message featuring Jared Estes telling his story and sharing motivation towards firing back when you're feeling knocked down. His story is one of mental and physical suffering, pain and grief. A personal loss and that of his past self. He said a few times how you have to step out of yourself to see the bigger picture. That you can't always just 'dig deep within to find your strength' because the reality of your situation is you aren't the one holding the strength to carry on for the better.

It has taken me a few days, and a few other instances, to see the different ways his message can relate on all levels. Initially I thought, that's awesome-that's great--need to store that away in case something bad happens and draw from that.

But now, I am closer to thinking that nothing 'bad' has to happen to need to draw from that--to have the need to step outside of yourself to regain focus.

It should be a daily check and balance. Making it a point to step outside yourself and quit looking just within, that's when you can clear your head and see that you were limiting yourself to only your view. Only seeing what is in front of you, and not the greatness that is surrounding you.

Let's say you were standing in the middle of a field, looking at a pile of dump. Not a pretty sight. It stinks, it's ugly, and no one wants to be around it. BUT. Look up. Look around you.

Look at the beautiful hills and landscape to your west. Those are your home, job, car, couch, bed, food on the table-those are things that you take for granted because they are, hopefully, always present and constant.

Look at the field of flowers all around you. Those are the people surrounding you. Flowers of all different kinds, and luckily for you some of your favorites close by.

Look at the horses next to you. They are your family and friends. They are your loyal, loved ones.

Here is where you choose to see yourself and surroundings as subpar or as extravagant.

Look at the hills and choose to see them as mediocre, insufficient-they're hills, not mountains after all-or choose to see them as protecting and purposeful.

Look at the flowers and choose to focus on the ones that are wilting and have thorns, or choose to find the beauty in each one, showing grace to all whether they are close by or far way, despite your favorites, despite their differences.

Look at the horses. Look past the dump they can produce, and see their strength and beauty.

After all, if your family and friends are the horses, then so are you. So, as they can produce the dump, as can you. It may be your dump your stuck looking at-or another's-but it's only up to you whether you continue looking down at the stink or decide to look around you and choose to focus on the beauty of your surroundings.

Choose to step outside yourself, to regain focus, and to quit letting your vision be clouded by subpar and choose to see extravagantly.

PS. You're welcome for the multiple dump references. Hope that made your day.

Overthinking

It's almost like a movie reel lives in my mind sometimes.

I can't help but lay there, attempting to fall asleep, yet instead falling into the replay of the actions and conversations that have taken place throughout the day. As if I have any control or power to change what has already happened. I think it's common for women-always having our minds going-but doesn't mean that needs to be our excuse.

I find guilt in my overthinking. Not in choosing to allow the replays, there are flaws and wisdom to that, but in my past responses. Guilt in my lack of patience with Caden when he's overly repetitive in asking something when he's already gotten a 'no' answer. Guilt in feeling the need to tune out my boys and disconnect, instead of changing my mindset and be more present and on their level. Guilt over being too blunt or too honest in my words, not holding my tongue. Guilt in putting Gary last, feeling like I have no more to give at the end of the day. Shoot, if I'm really replaying stuff then major guilt creeps in from past actions, words, stupidity.

Thinking-over. Evaluating how you act, the words you speak, and making sure they align with how God desires us to act, show love, and show grace isn't a bad thing. You have to live and learn. We have to keep ourselves in check. Work to keep ourselves connected with God to draw from Him the guidance and strength we need to not act a fool like we normally would.

BUT. Over-thinking.

To go beyond the learning from your error and to harp on your actions, reactions, speech--that is another string in Satan's elaborate web that is there to trip you.

To stress what has been done. To not give that worry or regret to God. To aim at having the final say. It is a repetitive situation that I lay there with. Did I do that right? Did I say that wrong? I beat myself up over things that don't deserve a second thought, and in the situation of error I'm just not letting go and moving on.

Continuing to overthink means I will be like those who wandered in the wilderness for so many years, lost and stuck. Just set on repeat and not trying to find a way out. Instead, I want to try to step out of my merry-go-round habit. To realize it's out of my control. Grow from what I learn, change for the better, then move the heck on and recognize that God is in control.

I constantly have to check and recheck myself, making sure that although I know God is in control, and say often that God is in control, am I physically and mentally SHOWING what I preach?

In my speech. In my actions. In my reactions.

Find ways to SHOW that God is in control. When I feel wrapped up in overthinking, I will practice prayer. To draw my strength from God and to rely on Him, not me. That new habit, on repeat, will then become like second nature to turn to Him in those moments.

Find ways to SHOW that He is in control when it comes to speech. I am too quick to say what is the obvious, because 'it's the truth', yet just because it's the truth to me doesn't mean it is to everyone or to God. Choose to SHOW that God is in control by choosing to pass over any speech or words that don't bring glory to Him.

That sounds intense, and I for one love the shirt that says 'I love Jesus, but I cuss a little'. It cracks me up. But then aren't we just conforming to the normalities of this world and making that our excuse to not live to show Him in our speech as well as our actions?

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.' Romans 8:28

That verse doesn't say that we'll understand all the things God allows to happen. That all the things will be fun and easy. But with this verse you choose to know that God is in control despite how good or bad your current situation may be. That overthinking the present or the past will only produce self independence leading you away from trusting in God, and in the long run, it will just wear you down.

Choose to show  that God is in control over your speech, actions, and reactions.

I want to SHOW it for my boys. I want to SHOW it for my husband. I want to SHOW it for myself.

Extremes

Extreme overthinking. Extreme criticism. Extreme hatred. Extreme judgement.

Extremist of one race hating those of another. Political extremist.

Extreme Christian. Extreme Atheist. Extreme Islam.

Extremely great days. Extremely positive outlooks. Extremely good luck.

Extremely rich. Extremely humble.

Extremely depressed. Extremely self-centered. Extremely poor.

How is it that we can easily zone in on one extreme situation, person, religion, political stance and make that the blanket example and base for an entire subject group?

Be it as basic as extremes being present in the subject of our days, our emotions, our outlook or more in depth as religion, politics, world situations would have.

We are naïve to not look at the bigger picture. To segregate one instance and make it the narrative for the rest.

Recently I've gone from the extreme of feeling put together and positive to the opposite extreme of feeling discouraged, tired and lost. It is far too easy to go from one extreme to the next.

Extremes are everywhere. It is how we define people, situations, actions, reactions to the furthest degree, with intensity and utmost point. To base our thoughts off of someone or something that is living through one extreme-be it mentally, physically, spiritually-is to think inside the box and not take all other factors into account.

In general, the phrase bolded below and ideas to it are where I will end. But, I would like to say that living in an extreme is, in my opinion, a dangerous and tricky place. Be convicted in what you believe. Stand strong in it. But don't take it to the furthest point that you lose track of what your faith is in, don't let the world tempt you to go to the extreme of loosing your focus.

Extreme depression isn't healthy, but to be okay with temporary sadness is.
Extreme pride will only lead you to the edge of your pedestal waiting for the moment it falls out from beneath you.
Extreme religion has proven to drive people away, to kill and persecute others that stand against it, to show hatred, not love and grace.
Extreme overthinking will plant seeds of doubt in you, and the longer you water it the more they will grow.

When it comes to situations of extremes, there is always some sort of person or people involved. So, to the phrase bolded below...

Love the sinner, hate the sin.

Some people say that statement is hypocritical. That you are still judging and thus not truly loving the sinner. I almost think if we took the word 'sin' out of the phrase that those with their guards up towards more extreme Chrisitans wouldn't find it as hypocritical. Let's take out hate, too-it's too intense, but a synonym of it, dislike, seems less harsh.

Love the decision maker, dislike the decision.

That's not judgment. That is unconditional love. That despite the actions someone takes, despite not agreeing with them, you still show them love them.

When people or situations go the extreme, it's okay to disagree. It's okay to draw from the motto of love the sinner, not the sin. It's okay to stand in your beliefs, your faith, your ideas-but if it is out of hate and judgment keep it to yourself.

My point being--each situation to it's own. Arguments and debates rise to extreme too easily, clouding our vision. Life is not just white versus black. Christian versus atheist. Rich versus poor.

Regain focus. Remember to look beyond the extremes that are out there, that are in your daily life, that you personally may be stuck in. If a sign says 'extremely delicious ice-cream', get in line, otherwise go with caution and take off your blinders.

ONE

The last year has come and gone so fast and now, Mr. Reid, you are ONE! How in the world we got here, I just don't know. What's a one year old stinker up to...

You have a more serious nature, but man when you let that smile out it melts my heart!

-You are busy, busy, busy! Always on the go, always getting into things, putting everything into your mouth, always trying to mooch off our food, you are a nonstop little guy.
-You have two teeth, and two of four more on top that are starting to pop through. We can see about four that are trying to work their way out, but as of yet only two that have just started breaking through. Which, all in all, you have done pretty well with teething. It's given you yet another cold/runny nose and that's lingered for a week and a half, but it's gotten better at least.
-You aren't walking and don't seem too interested in it. You'll walk with our hands, but still try to walk faster than your feet will go and you don't try to take any steps solo yet. You are a fast crawler and will climb on things when you can.
-You sleep pretty well, but are a really light sleeper so too much noise out of the norm will wake you. You're still hanging on to that 4-6 wake up time and bottle. We're going to try to just cut off majority of bottles. Yesterday you only had one for an afternoon nap, then went to bed without one and only stirred and whined for a bit about it, had one this morning after not settling back on your own, but none the rest of the day. Thus the transitioning out of them, and prayers you'll just ease into dropping that 4-6 bottle dependency. We'll see...
-You are 'talking' more and more. Just as of recent, we've noticed more jabbering from you and it's the cutest. The best is when you give a funny jabber after Caden has said something silly, almost as if you say 'yeah, yeah yeah, whatever' in response. Always makes us laugh.
-You love to eat and will eat almost anything. We all try to eat dinner together, and you usually always eat well sitting next to me and mooching off my plate. I just have to make sure I keep up with you, you're a fast eater!
-You've taken pretty well to milk out of your sippy cup, but like it to be set out a bit and not right out of the fridge. If it's too cold, you'll just spew it right out and that's just not cool.
-You can be dramatic, feisty, and have a tendency to be more whiny when I'm around and always at my legs pulling up on me to get attention. It's tiring sometimes, but it's good and I know I'll miss that from you some day.

You, your ornery look, and your beloved wubby. It helps you keep track of the paci in your crib, so we're all a fan.

Reiders, you are the best. You are a wonderful brother and son. We couldn't have asked for a better little brother to have in our family and we are so eager to see your personality grow as you do. You are fun, adorable, lovable and we love you SO much. Thank you for an amazing first year. Your dad and I couldn't be prouder to be your parents and we are so blessed to have you.

We love you, buddy! Happy First Birthday, Reid!!

xoxo

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was yesterday, and I still couldn't think of a blog topic to write about other than what I'm thankful for. Had no mojo, nothing to go off of, and just felt stuck.

I had been in limbo for a few days after finishing a devotional series, delaying the start of a new one, and not yet continuing on my readings in Matthew, so that's where I picked back up at this afternoon. Surely if I feel like I'm doing this for God then it probably doesn't help to skip out on my time with Him for a few days, huh? I always get frustrated at how easy it is to postpone my time spent in a devotional, in the bible, with God and how easy it is to see that it truly does affect my day to day life.

So, as God would coincidently have it my study today was over the verse Philippians 4:6-7.

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'

The teacher for this devo, a man named John Piper, broke it down as such: anxious, thanksgiving, peace/piece.

First anxious. When we worry all the time we are basically making God look like a fool. We might as well be choosing to say God can't help us, He isn't in control, wise or kind when we choose to consume ourselves in anxiety or worry.

Thanksgiving. Let your requests be made known to God with thanksgiving. Be thankful for He meets all our needs, whether they are met how you think they should be or not. Reflect on what God has done in thanksgiving--not only to include what he has done in your daily life but for your life in general through Jesus.

Peace/Piece of God; 'peace of God' being the spiritual peace that He gives and 'piece of God' being Jesus.

The teacher thus concluded that through Jesus, connecting us with God, we can gain a peace that no other human understanding can produce.

And that, that is something I can be thankful for. That is something that outlasts the bad days, that stands against my doubts and that rises above my fears. God's peace has placed in me more humility and hope than I could have ever found elsewhere.

I am thankful that His peace and reassurance directs me to enjoy and cherish the little things in life that He has allowed us to have and has blessed us with. The good that we don't deserve and the hard that has drawn us closer to Him.

Our children, our home, family and friends, His grace-the little things that He has blessed us with and sent as reminders of His love, it is that which helps me not focus on the big things that this world temps us to chase after. To be thankful in Him and in all that He provides.

In the long run, I guess a thanksgiving week post couldn't escape the inevitable...

Our Modern Day Jesus and Judas

Last night I couldn't fall asleep, so I continued to read into Matthew, as I'm working my way through the gospels. Up next was Matthew 24. A nice, sweet bed time story...but, not quite. It was good and it was real.

Chapter 24: 9-13 'Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.'

Jesus doesn't promise an easy path. He doesn't say the situations we will face in this world will make for easy decisions. Things aren't always clear and simple.

This leads me to the ever so popular debate of housing refugees.

I'm not strong on politics. I don't know the in's and out's of the financial statistics towards the situation. I don't know all the governmental details to how refugees are handled. And I know these are all important factors.

It wasn't until I saw a suggestion towards a Wichita chapter of the International Rescue Committee that I even realized how help towards refugees currently works.

But I have seen the statements surrounding the argument saying how can we afford to help refugees if we can't help our own homeless? Or another that said as long as there are homeless children here, we won't welcome refugees.

And I have seen the argument about it only leading to our own destruction. As in literally, they will infiltrate our country using a refugee cover and attack here. Or that helping will just draw a large arrow on our own backs.

The thought of opening my doors and helping, just to be betrayed made me stop and think twice about the idea of going forth with the motto driven from 'the least of these'. (matthew 25:40)

Isn't that just what Satan wants? To fill us with as much doubt, excuses, and fears to lead us to the decision of doing what's best for us, our family, our country instead of what Jesus has asked of us? To choose our lives and our best interest over him just to err on the side of caution? Just to stay neutral on such a hot subject? Just to play it safe?

Satan is good and stealthy, because even typing out 'us, our family, our country' leads me to get defensive that we should fight for ourselves. Do what's in our best interest. That you can't be naïve to the real world, and I don't want to be--but I do believe that despite all the world does, or goes through, it is our job as followers of Christ to make the decision to stand strong in Him, in God's word, even in the most difficult of situations. We don't know when the final day, hour, minutes, breath will be. So LIVE AS SUCH.

Live as if each action and choice you make could be your last and make it count for God, not for yourself or your own agenda.

Quit living to fight for a world that we are not meant to stay with forever. Quit living to make everyone happy, not upsetting anyone with God's truth. In Luke 6:26-36 it first reminds us to be cautious when everyone speaks well of you. Everyone spoke well of the false prophets, and they were just that--false. You can't live the truth of God's word and have everyone like you. The scripture then continues to teach on loving your enemies.

'love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you...if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? even sinners loves those who love them. and if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? even sinners do that.' Luke 6: 27-28, 32-33

If you were born into the situation that these people have been born into; if you had a child amongst such a hostile environment, would you not fight like hell for a better future for yourself, for your family, for your children?

When I stopped and thought-yes, Jesus wants us to help others and it's not for us to pick and choose who gets our love, grace, kindness but what would he say or do with this situation. Where there is a threat of letting some bad in amongst the good, just to later cause harm here-how would he handle that? He never had to deal with that...just to realize that he did.

Jesus took in Judas knowing the outcome of their friendship. Jesus showed him love, grace, kindness all while knowing the betrayal that was to come that would only cause a magnitude of pain upon himself.

It is not for us to fear. It is not for us to judge. It is not for us to let the lies, persuasions, arguments, normality's of this world stop us from doing what God has asked us to do and what Jesus clearly showed us to do.

I'm not suggesting to be unwise in your choices, opening your door when Freddy Krueger is standing there-but I am suggesting we quit living in such fear and caution that in the long run fogs up our minds with self interest, blinding our views and missing opportunities God has called us to.

For us, personally, we are going to start with learning how to help those in need. Despite it maybe making us uncomfortable. Despite it upsetting those who disagree with us. Despite the risks.

Lord forbid we take risks to live for Him. But for real, He doesn't forbid that nonsense. If anything He reminds us the rewards we will have in heaven if we quit playing it safe and start taking our decision to follow Him in ALL situations, despite ANY persecutions, seriously and quit all this backpedaling and excuses that we can muster up to make ourselves feel better about our lack of commitment to Him.

So, as for us, I am looking further into the Wichita International Rescue Committee that we have here to see if that is an organization that we could support, or even to start with something as simple as participating in their Christmas wish list tree. And-because this debate brought up the argument with homeless situations we will look into that as well. I don't want to ignore the needs of people local or afar.

We will work to be a part of a solution and help those in need. I'm tired of being just another voice with an opinion, yet providing no action and no resolution. We will shine God's love, grace and kindness wherever and whenever He calls us to, within our comfort zone or not.

Dang Mac Donalds.

We are reading Dr. Emerson Eggerichs book, Love and Respect, in our church small group. Some parts are focused towards men, some women, and some both. It can be a little over repetitive, and we may or may not joke and add 'because I love you' or 'because I respect you' at odd times because, well, it makes us laugh.

But, for real now, it has good points that seem obvious but can be pretty dang hard to remember when you're in the thick of things, when life is busy, when the kids suck all the energy out of you and the last thing you want to do is show someone love or respect after a long day.

As women, we need the reminder of how our men think, what speaks volumes to them, and how different their thought process can be.

And men, such is the same. The book uses the example of pink and blue glasses for men and women. That we see things in our specific colored glasses because we are different, as God made us, but we have to remember to take off our glasses and see situations and things from the others perspective.

McDonalds, right? That was the title anyways...

This may come as a shock to those that know me, but I can be stubborn. Please, take time to gasp now.

Call it the 'baby of the family' personality, or just call it stupidity, but I'm still working on improving in this category. I literally sometimes have to work myself through fits. And I'm 28 here. I have no good excuses like my toddler does--that only being that he's a toddler, because there's no good excuse for throwing fits when asked to go to the bathroom instead of pee your pants. None.

So, It had been a long weekend, a long Sunday, and we still had to go out to Wally World to get a few things before heading home to make dinner. (This all could have been avoided if we hadn't tried to cut corners earlier in the week. So, second lessoned learned there.) We made it a family affair and all went together. Shopping alone is lonesome, and I love being chauffeured.

During our quick trip I was like ummm, this would be easier if that McDonalds wasn't right out side with yummy fries. Just sayin'.

Nothing came of it. I'm pretty sure I dropped a later hint in the store, too, but nothing. Then, as we're leaving in the car I'm all-so what kind of breakfast for dinner do you want? And he's all-what are the options? And I say, well, there's Mcdonalds, French toast, I don't know....then, Caden's all-I have to pee!

What ends up happening is we're on the fence, probably because he can sense my baby fit brewing, and we decide to run him into McyD's to pee, and I say okay Caden we'll get you fries after you pee. What also ends up happening is my fries get shot down, but we get him some anyways because you can't tell him he gets fries, take him inside fry heaven to pee, then say jay kay and leave. Unless you want the hulk to come out, which we didn't.

So, he pee'd, he got fries, and we left. Son of a biscuit. Here's where I tell you my foolishness.

I then played the silence game. Maybe for a good thirty minutes to an hour, I'm sure. Did what I had to when we got home, and started making dumb breakfast food.

We try to have breakfast food on the 'menu' once a week because we find it's affordable for the budget if you keep it simple. It's also one of the most annoying meals to make because it gets lots of cookware dirty and you have to cook everything. No crockpot action, no one pan for all. It just annoys me sometimes. And you have to time it right so it's somewhat all hot when you're ready to eat it--which, is pointless with kids anyways, but whatever.

Ya'll. Gary apologized first. For what?! I think he noticed something he did made me mad, but come on--I'm the one acting like a fool just because I didn't like his answer! So I was a little more irritated that he took my apology and was thinking gah-dang it! I'm no ready to reply...I'm just not ready!

Eventually, I did. Multiple times. Because it felt so ridiculous of a matter it needed a few real apologies. And then, yesterday while reading my chapters in Love and Respect it touched base on how 'a marriage needs her intuition and his insight'. How it's so easy for us as women to disregard his insight. To not count it as important, because it may differ from ours. BAM. Right in the face.

Something as simple as a dinner choice. I didn't want to cook, I wanted something quick and easy that I didn't have to think twice about. I can't lay out his reasoning-but it saved us from feeling crappy from eating fast food, saved us the money that we could later elsewhere in the week, and well-even if it did nothing it was his decision and just because I had other opinions doesn't mean that's the way we have to go.

Five years and I'm just now being able to really focus and work on this. This is when you can add Gary to your prayer list.

Either way-I at least knew I had to work through my stubbornness, and I did. Quietly, unfortunately with an attitude, but because I knew that I needed to respect his decision even if it wasn't one I would have made.

And that is hard to do sometimes. Marriage is hard to do a lot of the time. But, it is worth it. Seeing and acknowledging area to grow in your marriage is important and worth the uphill battle.

I know we're guaranteed to have different opinions on things far more important than fries, so here is where I need to start to prepare my heart for those situations. Remember to try on his blue glasses and learn to work together. Luckily, God showed us grace, so we show each other grace and continue on.

And, luckily, I stole one of Caden's fries before handing them back to him. Hashtag hangry mom problems.

Eleven Months

Oh, my sweet boy. How can you be one month away from turning one?! The months have flown by, and here we are, you're eleven months and growing fast!

 

You are a handsome little fella. You do this adorable eyebrow raise sometimes and it always cracks me up. Sometimes it's almost in a sarcastic way, other times it's almost as if you're motioning 'hey, what's up!' when you are doing something you know you shouldn't be...hitting the tv, getting into the dog bowls...

You are a fast crawler still, and will walk with our hands but not much before you go back to what you know best in crawling.

You babble and babble and I love it. It's the cutest sound to me when you're 'talking'.

You barely sat still, and when you did you just gave me that ornery smile!

 

You get completely over zealous towards light fixtures, but especially fans. Or almost anything that spins. You'll stick your arms and legs out straight and start to kick/shake them in excitement. It is the funniest thing ever and everyone gets a good laugh out of your silly reaction.

You are a little lover. You'll get excited to see people, and it's adorable, but you also get overly excited and kind of hit in the moment of it all. Like multiple times-tap, tap, tap on the persons head or body as you start to shrill or smile real big.

You kind of bite, but luckily not really biting down-just another thing you do in excitement. Always puts a good amount of fear in a person though when you go in for a hug with those two sharp teeth involved!

You absolutely love your brother. He adores you, but also thinks you're bigger than you are so usually the two of you playing alone doesn't last too long before we here you fuss. But, not always, and he is the best at getting you to give out good laughs.

Cuteness, and a funny showing big bro's enthusiasm and you're hesitation towards it:)

 

You have a routine of waking up between four and five in the morning for a bottle, then returning to sleep for a short while. Not sure how ending bottles soon will go with that, and what will happen in that whole new transition.

You love to mooch, or at least try to, but don't take as well to solid food. When we had a pre-thanksgiving when Jacob and his family was in town you loved the mashed potatoes, gravy and tiny bits of turkey together, but other than that-you only sometimes do well with baby food. You like the snack baby food, but it just depends. I'm assuming once you get more teeth that may change.

You are recently getting over a cold, which turned up to be a crappy hand/foot/mouth virus. Didn't take you in for it, because it wasn't until day six or seven of the runny nose crud that blisters showed up on your hands and some breakout around the mouth. There's nothing they can do for it, and you were still acting like a good trooper, so just praying that time brings you healing and you feel better soon.

You are the best. You love to laugh, you never want to miss a moment, you are very curious and always on the go. We love you to pieces little man. You are the best little brother and son we could have and we're so excited to see you continue to grow!

Praying God protects and guides you, buddy. We love you so much! xoxo

'If I should speak then let it be of the grace that is greater than all my sin'

I want to attempt a late year resolution. A blog a week. And not that of a photo dump for mainly my own benefit of one day sending these off to a blog to print and wam.bam. scrapbook via 21st century done. Those need to still happen, but I want this to be mostly words, ideas, experiences, thoughts of my own, of my story and current life. I am not a perfectionist when it comes to writing, but the idea has been playing back and forth in my mind for a while and as the house is quiet with sleeping minions I finally sit here and being my virtual journey.

So. Let's start from the beginning. Big Daddy Weave puts it perfectly in his song 'My Story'.

'If I told you my story

you would hear hope that wouldn't let go

...to tell you my story is to tell of Him'

Moved to tears. Every time I hear this song. I have been foolish and broken. I have been in the wrong and blind to see it, too selfish to acknowledge it. I have been lost and depressed. I have tried to grip at the things of this world and make them my hope and joy. I have tried to live for the party and the lust that our world sells as fun and fulfilling.

But ya'll. I have also said no more. I have also seen the beauty that God can bring through redemption. I have experienced His grace and forgiveness.

I have felt His tug at my heart to share. I have felt my own resistance battling if this worlds media outlet is too much. Am I to put my personal self and family out there for anyone to see and pry at? I want to say no and stay in my shell and know my story for myself, or for personal friends and family. But, tug after tug here I am.

I believe that God doesn't ask us to sit in a corner with our story but to stand tall and strong in the journey and path that we have taken and share the hope that He has given throughout all the good and bad.

As I was a child I clashed into a situation that led to confusion towards sexual impurities. As if being a child in this world wouldn't lead to it's own handful of confusions for this, my story had a helping push. Luckily it was a simple and physically unharming push. But unluckily any push is a push and in our lovely world the last thing any child needs is a push into that mess.

Anger then ensued in my childhood. I've blocked so much younger times out, but I also feel like I remember being able to light up a room, yet the same evening cry myself to sleep feeling helpless, confused and alone.

We were raised in the church. That was something that I fell into and stayed involved with up to high school. Yet what I failed to do was find my own personal relationship with God. I did, and still do, find so much connection through worship, but outside of the power I find in worship the mind games start. It's so easy to find myself fumbling on questions or doubts. So, that is what I did.

My first fumble was with vodka and code red mountain dew. It was gross. I was caught immediately as it was obvious once I returned home and hard to miss as I bonded with the toilet that night making it pretty indisputable. I should have taken note of my weak stomach after my first rendezvous but no...not me. I insisted on replaying that scene over and over for about six years.

There is laughter and fun memories built amongst that time, but do you think that's what I replay the most in my mind? Not one bit. I replay the feeling of chasing after the drinks in search of fun, acceptance, fulfillment. I replay the tears after foolishly giving a piece of me away, robbing myself and my marriage of that priceless gift. I replay feeling unloved after a breakup and searching so long and hard to fill that gap in all the wrong places.

Now here I am.

Typing this here with my sweet boys sleeping as my patient, loving husband is at school teaching. In our humble home that fits us perfectly. With the opportunity to work part time from home and be here raising our boys-for the good days and the bad days. Not looking to false love for happiness, because finally I caved to see the bigger picture and allowed God in to show me His true love, peace, and grace.

I am here. I am fighting to draw closer to God and to know Him in ways I never took the time to before. In ways that I should have, to save myself from all that destruction. Yet, grateful that I am here to have my story and show first hand the power of God's grace and how it has in turn placed in me the strength I need to fight off the things of this world that lead to false hope, false joy, false happiness.

I am tired of living in a way just to disappoint myself time and time again.

My boys deserve more than that. My husband deserves more than that. I deserve more than that.

God did not allow me to walk off and turn my back for no reason. Here I am now, at a place I have never truly been before. Taking the time to see God. To know God. To keep connected and grow close to God.

I struggle with discontentment, I struggle with selfishness, cursing, jealousy, unnamed sadness, lack of confidence, self doubt. So many things that are personal to me-my personality, my story-and some that I think are across the board struggles that women and humans alike have because, well, we are human. And sometimes we just suck. Sometimes we just struggle. And most of the time we just can't seem to get it right.

At least we're not alone. Not on our own. That is what I have come to realize and that is what I am fighting for.

So. In this new chapter I aim to draw hope, strength, and joy from God and not from myself or the things of this world. Not from my family, friends, or possessions. It's a daily check and balance for me.

But I am not here by mistake. I have not taken the path I did to get here by mistake. Because, as Big Daddy Weave so greatly put it...

'If I told you my story you would hear victory over the enemy. If I told you my story you would hear freedom that was won for me. If I told you my story you would hear life overcome the grave.'

And I believe God can use me, my story, my stupidity for his good. I pray that He does. That He gives me the courage and humility to do so.

A blog a week. My story to be out there. My imperfections. My fails. My steps to draw closer to God. My fight to better myself personally, in marriage, as a mother. MY LIFE.

If it can make one person smile or not feel alone then I will file this as a success and thank God for the tug. If not, we'll chop this up to a big misunderstanding and pretend it never happened.

Out with the old. In with the new. Cheers to new beginnings.

10 Months

Reid, you are so fun and curious. Always on the go, changing you is a battle in itself and set you down for a minute and who knows where you'll end up. Actually, we know you'll aim for the bathroom and bathtub or Caden's room; those are usually your go-to spots. What is new in your world? Besides breaking my heart a bit by being so close to one…seriously, how is that happening already….

 

-You still only have two teeth

-You haven't been sleeping as well, but the last two months have been harder for you and you've been through a lot, so just recently took you to a chiropractor for a consult and got a slight 'adjustment', which was just a series of pressure points along your back area, focusing on your lower back. I am not a huge chiro person, but this gal made me feel very comfortable and secure with how she works so we went ahead with that adjustment. Sure enough, that afternoon you took the best, real crib nap ever and since then have slept pretty decently. You were just waking up upset, and then would get even more upset when we soothed you to sleep but tried to lay you down again. A little tough love and maybe some of this outside help to help both you and us to get some better sleep.

-You weigh 18 lbs and are a healthy little goober

-You love baths. It is a guarantee to make you a happy guy and you just splash, splash, splash! It's so funny to see how excited you get and let that cute smile out while playing in there. We can go in and get the water going, get Caden started and sure enough you show up shortly after rounding the corner wanting to join the party!

-You love the little biscuit treats and have taken pretty well to your sippy cup. Only two more months of bottles so trying to get you used to it a little before making the big transition to just cups and milk.

 

can barely get you to sit still during pictures anymore!

 

Really, the last month hasn't changed too much for you, getting bigger and keeping up with your brother more easily but otherwise no new teeth, no new tricks just yet-your personality continues to shine through and I cannot put into words how much we love you and how great of an addition to our family you are. It was hard for me to feel connected personality wise at first, because I was so used to Caden and knowing his personality, and didn't have as much one on one time in the beginning to really get to know you and you are showing qualities pretty opposite of big brother, which I think is great and perfect-makes it fun and a good mix, but that was just something I had to start over on learning you and who you are. And now, who you are shines through so much and we love it. You have a serious scowl, very observant, give a good belly laugh sometimes but we really have to work for it and will give us the cutest, closed smile and just for a short bit that cracks us up and melts my heart.

 

You and your brother are starting to form a relationship and it is just the best thing I witness as a mom to see the interactions that you both have. You LOVE being around Caden, and he loves being a good big brother to you. Even when you go after his toys he's been good at sharing and is good with my explanation that you are just curious and learning what everything is. More recently after his day at school he just loves on you so much and repeats over and over again 'I so wuv baby, mom. I so wuv him!' Melts my heart and I pray so hard over the relationship you boys will have.

 

 

You are the best little guy and we all love and adore you so much!

Nine Months

Reiders, today you are nine months old and to be honest I took me up until now, just after 4:00 pm, to realize it's your nine month mark. I've been thinking about it here and there recently but today has been a busy one and I finally put two and two together.

You have changed a lot over this last month, and especially so within the last week. Here's some things about nine month old Reid:

-You are crawling! You're a fast little sucker, and within the last few days are officially crawling. You would much rather stand still, and when first being put down you stiffen out your legs in protest, but seem to be pretty content once you are on the go.
-You're two bottom teeth have broken through. I haven't been able to get a picture of them yet, but they are there and your typical attempts at gnawing on our face have to be diverted because of those sharp little suckers
-You sleep well, and not so well. But, between teething, a new cold that's getting the best of you, and some surgery complications it's just been kind of a mess and we can't blame you. Overall you got back to sleeping until about 4/5, taking a bottle then back to sleep-but recently not so much. And naps, not so much either...eh, just depends on the day and night I guess.
-You definitely have some length to you. I think you'll be towering over your big brother before we know it once you're really up and going.
-You have had a heck of a time with little odd happenings since your surgery, but I must say-for the most part you have been a champ about it. You still screech cry, making it sound like someone's chopping off a limb rather than it's just the simple fact that you woke up from a nap....but otherwise you do okay with being pretty content.
-I say that, but then I digress when it comes to one of us walking into the room and you noticing us. It's kind of an out of sight, out of mind deal with you right now I think.
-Now that you are on the go, we're having to already tell you 'no' plenty of times for safety reasons-especially the tv stand. Caden didn't bug with that too much, I don't think, but you always go for it and almost anything else that you can go for that would help you stand up.

 

-You are already starting to take an interest into Cadens toys, especially the trains when they're moving, and it is cracking me up. He got a new set from Aunt Caryn and Uncle Doug, and instantly you crawled over and plucked up Thomas in curiosity, causing your brother to grunt and groan in frustration. It's funny-for now at least-thus starts the battle of the toys. He's been good and understanding when we tell him that you are just learning, but will ask us to 'move baby' when you get too close:)

You are a trooper for having kind of a rough last month-you are so curious and growing so fast. You are the best addition to our family we could ever have asked for and we love you so, so much. I can't believe we're just a few months away from you turning one. It really has gone by ridiculously fast and has been a whirlwind-I swear we were just bringing you home and starting this new chapter of change in many different areas and here we are, nine months in and getting ready for fall, then the holidays, which brings your birthday. Crazy, crazy, crazy.

You are the best. We love you-your brother loves you, and I cannot wait to see where life takes you and to see you grow up and what kind of a little boy you'll turn into.

Happy Nine Months, Stinker. We love you. xoxo.  

Three Years Old

Caden,

 

You are funny, energetic, creative, ornery, stubborn, imaginative, an early riser, you play hard and love harder, mostly easy going and adapt well to change. You would spend all day playing outside if we let you, yet also can zonk out to a good kid movie or show from time to time.

 

You are a great brother to Reid, constantly tending to him when he cries reassuring him 'It's okay, baby, it's okay...' and no one can make him laugh as hard as you can. Whether you are trying or not-he finds you super funny be it you dancing in the car to Mickey Mouse music, chasing after you (with our help at this point), or just yesterday you had him giving the best laughs and all you were doing was standing outside throwing a nurf toy at the door while he stood inside and watched.

 

 

You love to watch Octonauts, Dinotrucks, Cars, Monsters, Inc, Land Before Time, Curious George-you don't scare easy when it comes to kid shows. Any kid show you've watched that has scary moments hasn't seemed to phase you one bit.

You love to wrestle. I'll give you one glane, and a people elbow sign and it's on. We can act like t-rex or triceratops and 'rawr' and wrestle or just let you pull out your crazy arm swinging/peoples elbow, as long as we are tossing you around and tickling you, you have a blast. It's fun, but sometimes hard to get you to tone it down a bit and stop climbing all over us in wrestle mode.

 

 

Your love language is definitely quality time. You thrive on that. It's been harder to balance that at times now not being the only child, but we do our best. You can also tell when Reids been more needy than not because you start to act out more as our focus usually isn't shared very well during those moments and times. That being said, you also do decent enough just hanging out if we are busy with Reid, especially if one of your shows is on. 

 

You are protective and caring. We put a gate up at the hallway entrance when we leave to block off that area from the dogs, but we just lean it up and on day I crossed over to grab something and as I crossed back I caught my foot on it and tripped over it, bringing it crashing down with me. You were so attentive and came to my side immediately asking what happened and if I was okay. After telling you I tripped over the gate you went over to it and gave it a few good revenge punches--coming to my defense and showing that gate who's boss. It was so sweet and funny.

 

You still suck your thumb. Additionally, you still hold up a socked foot to your nose at the same time and wiggle your little toes back and forth at the bottom of your nose. You almost half heartedly suck your thumb, too, because you always have a nice pool of drool on your shirt and down your arm. It's just adorable....wait, no, it's actually one of the main things that takes me back in remembrance that you are still a little boy even though you show teenager traits sometimes.  

 

You are defiant, but also compliant. You are struggling with stopping when we say stop, and continue to test that at this time hitting once or twice more after we directly tell you to stop. Today, in fact, as we were in a quiet Christian bookstore you proceeded to not listen and continued to pull on me from the cart after telling you to stop. Looking back, I should have turned around and told you more directly, but I didn't, and you unsurprisingly continued to do what I told you not to which led to you flipping over the cart crashing it to the ground. Luckily Reid was in his carseat and strapped in, and I somehow caught him mid-way, but you-as karma would have it-took the fall with the cart. You both were fine but upset, only causing an embarrassing loud and unfortunate moment. Hopefully a learning point, but kind of doubtful-you soak up so much and have caught on to so many new things but at the same time we can be sitting there explaining something as simply as we can and you are just giving us glossed over eyes and it's going in one ear, out the other. You look as if you are taking it in, but the next minute do the exact opposite. Oy vey, my child, oy vey.

 

You have helped me grow in my patience and always help me to see the simplicity in the daily things of life. Not always, my adult eyes and mindset are hard to overcome sometimes but it is refreshing to see life through your eyes and get in on the excitement that you are able to have over the little things.

 

You love the zoo, feeding the fish is one of your favorite things to do, and love going to Exploration Place or the park. You make new friends on many of our outings and love playing with other kids. You will start a Kids Day Inn program at church in a few weeks, one day a week from 9-1 and I think you will really have fun.

 

You love to help, especially in the kitchen. Takes more time, patience, and we really can't take our eyes off your or leave you alone in there because you rarely listen through to our warnings or instructions--your curiosity gets the best of you I'm afraid-but overall it is fun to have you learn and help beside us.

 

You are at such a fun age. You say the funniest things, and you are a parrot right now and always full of questions. You're a backseat driver at it's finest. Always telling us when to go, stop, slow down, go this way not that way. It's humorous, but more so when I'm not driving and definitely not after a long day. Momma can only take so much.

 

You love to play hard and get dirty. You love bathes. You love books and puzzles. You have the biggest sweet tooth and would divulge in sweets all day if we allowed it, one of your absolute favorites is ice cream. Also shown in the picture is the fact that you'd much rather just wear underpants around and we have to make your wear pants. You don't argue much, but you almost always try to protest a little.

 

 

You also have a great habit of being polite. You do well at saying thank you, nank you as you pronounce it. You say please and sorry-sometimes in the wrong moments but still, glad you are learning to be kind and have good manners, even if we have to stop and remind you-it's usually not something you fight us one and will be quick to correct yourself and ask politely instead of just demanding something or being rude. You're just a kid, speak your voice and let us know your opinions-not much is in your control and this stage in life, but hopefully we're able to teach you how to do so in a respectful manner.

 

The past three years has come and gone so fast. Your dad and I are so proud of you and could not be more thankful that God has allowed us to be your parents. We are trying our best to show you love and patience, we pray for guidance in our parenting that God may help us teach you and your brother His love, kindess and pray that you grow to know God's love and will for you as you get older.

 

You are an amazing boy, Caden. We cannot begin to describe how deep and strong our love is for you. Thanks for bringing smiles to our faces when we've needed it the most, giving the best hugs, and being willing to forgive and learn along side of us.

 

Thank you for three years that have been absolutely priceless to your father and I. We have learned a lot the past three years, and trust me, we continue to learn and grow right along side you on a daily basis--we wouldn't have it any other way. The good, the bad, the ugly--you're stuck with us, pal, for better or worse. (That's exciting and promising to hear, right?)

 

We love the heck out of you, Caden. Nothing will ever, ever change that. Happy 3rd Birthday, buddy.

 

xoxoxo

 

 

March 2015 2.2.

More from March-it was a busy, busy month as were the months before. Gary turned the big 3-0! I pulled off a surprise party for him and his buddy Drew the weekend of his birthday. It was fun, and with the help of our friends everything turned out great! We got away for the day, my mom took the boys, and it was a big day for basketball so we spent our time downtown celebrating with food and drinks watching some basketball and hanging out. It was fun and relaxing, but I couldn't shake being nervous and secretly covering my butt with texts from people about the evening surprise.

 

It was actually a perfect day out to enjoy food and drinks on the patio downtown. Tried my first grapefruit beer, which was yummy! We had our day of fun, then went to River City Brewery before I had to pull Gary away from there to bring him back to the Pumphouse for the surprise. Pat got Drew there maybe thirty minutes before us...should have realized going to River City would take longer and we'd want to linger. But, we didn't linger and because he's such a great guy he went along with my excuse of wanting to have another grapefruit beer so we cut the dinner short, headed back, and surprise! Spent the evening celebrating with friends and a big sigh that all the planning and small fibs could be done with! It was a fun way to celebrate!

Nothing says Happy 30th like a good embarrassing picture cake that showcases the old bowl cuts and curly hair!

 

Caden loves the outdoors. Now that it's late July that I'm talking about March it feels weird to me to think of how we had to stay inside most days away from the cold. But he would venture out whenever we would let him if it was nice enough out-or we'd layer him up and he'd fight the cold and run around for a bit. He just loves it outside. Even now, amongst the summer heat, he'll opt to be out there so we just turn on the hose and let him run around the yard watering anything and everything and he'll do that for a good hour or more if we'd let him!

His imagination is endless. Always pretending so many different things or scenarios. Here he has gathered up 'dinners' and took it upon himself to try to take a bite of this branch, which maybe was a pretend fry...?

A few more Caden funnies....dumping all his blocks and covering daddy. Taking a bite out of the bottom of the candle we used for Gary's cookie cake. Hiding a dinosaur in the washer and letting it get a good, clean bath. Taking the dinosaurs for a ride in his dump truck. As he gets older he sometimes gets more trying, but such is life of a toddler/kid, but man it is so funny-most of the time, at least-to see how his brain works and where his curiosity leads him.

 

When it's nice enough to get some fresh air and get outside, we layer up and of we go. They don't make winter clothing and blankets for no reason! Maybe it would be easier if we had a basement to provide some sort of surrounding change outside of our one level, but I still think more levels/rooms or not, sometimes the only solution is to get some good fresh air.

 

Caden loves Reid, but especially seems to love being able to interact with him more and Reid starting to be able to 'sit up' and be more attentive has allowed them to have more of that brotherly interaction which just melts my dang heart. 

 

I mean. Hello, handsome! How fun are those shoes and that smile. Those shoes were a gift from my friend Holly for Caden at his baby shower and now Reid gets to capture a moment in them as well! Gary used to have a pair the exact same. At first, I couldn't grasp why he would want to wear checkered shoes, but he did, and that was his style which was something I loved about him. So, it was a special gift to have little newborn shoes just like daddy!

The zoo is sometimes our second home. It is so nice to get out of the house at least once a week and venture out to the zoo. Caden loves the animals and Reid is always game for a stroller ride, especially there where we're always on the go. I also have come to really appreciate our zoo-the layout and variety it provides. Great times had by all-they get out and about and I get to see them enjoy their surroundings and catch a break in the sense of self entertainment.

Just a cute baby snoozing. Reid and I seemed to do a lot of snuggle naps during the early months. I think half of it was I was too tired to try to 'train' him to get used to napping in his crib and just voted more for a guarantee snooze break vs a fussy baby that would wake Caden.

 These days, my lap is rarely not full. I read a blog that described a mom feeling 'so alone, yet not enough alone time' and in this stage of life that rings tried and true. If it's not one, it's the other, and sometimes both filling up my arms--I wouldn't have it any other way, but I would also be lying if I said sometimes I feel so drained by kind of living in kid world for the majority of the day. It's what I begged and cried for when I worked full time, and luckily God has shown me grace in my adjusting to this new normal of two kids, being home with them and working part time--it hasn't been the easiest chapter for me to navigate through but the fact is that I am navigating and even though it's been hard, the good outweighs the bad hands down.

Caden will sometimes, not often-but sometimes, as to hold baby. He doesn't even really do much of the holding, that's more done by us and mostly because he simply doesn't even attempt to wrap his arms around Reid or support him, but hey-it's a start and bonding is bonding so I'll take it!

Dinosaurs, couch pillow, cartoons and one out of two taking a snooze. As simple and sweet as that.

 

How does this cute baby keep sneaking in here? Reid has full brown eyes that are dark and beautiful. Caden has handsome hazel eyes that pick up blue or green tones when he wears like colors. Many, many people think Reid looks like Caden, but I only really see it when I look back at Cadens baby pictures where some similarities stand out. But man their eyes are definitely one thing that sets them apart and I love the differences in each.

We have a park a mile and a half away. I would run there with Caden, play, a run back. With the addition of Reid it's been easier to drive our happy selves down there, so we try to go there every once in awhile. It's a given that Caden will pretend to serve food at this little spot under a slide area, almost every single time. His imagination is endless and so amazing.

We can wrap up March with this silly picture. He loves seeing himself and making faces back at himself. This looks like, and from what I can remember was, one of those early mornings watching some cartoons before getting our butts into gear. Early mornings take on a new meaning when you've also been up at least once with the baby, then your other little wakes up around 6:00/6:30 am. There was a stage, an unnecessary stage might I add, where Caden wouldn't sleep much past 5:30 am. Why, no clue, but he did and it was so.fun. And by fun I mean I basically had to tape my eye open and fight falling back asleep on the couch. Luckily he's cute, funny, and so worth it. (none of those three traits came to mind those early mornings unfortunately...)

Happy March 2015, ya'll.

*spoken and documented in true new mom of two fashion five months later*