Discipline

We have ourselves a fun, energetic, loving, humorous, ornery, and curious little toddler. There are many ways I could describe Caden, and many stories I could tell about our daily adventures-the good, the bad, and the ugly. But what we've recently been challenged with is disciplining.

Gary and I have had multiple conversations about our disciplining actions for our children. Disciplining isn't easy in general, but now that Reid is here I have taken it much more seriously than I did previously. I personally feel like I cannot afford to spend my days arguing with Caden and begging for his attention to listen and obey me while balancing the needs and wants of both boys. After just two days home solo with them I quickly decided we needed to implement a new discipline route with Caden. We feel like we need Caden to listen, obey and respect us and out of interest for his own well being, not just to be big, mean, bossy parents. And since we have been quicker to respond to his disobeying/acting out/back talk and expecting more out of him he has in turn responded better to us both at home and in public which has made things much easier all around.

Our new course of actions, thoughts and scenarios were running through my mind the other night as I was trying to fall asleep. I couldn't help but correlate that as we request respect from Caden, as does God from us. As we have Caden's safety and well being in mind, as does God with us. I had a study this week that focused on Deuteronomy 28:58-63.

58 If you do not carefully follow all the words of this law, which are written in this book, and do not revere this glorious and awesome name-the Lord your God-59 the Lord will send fearful plagues on you and your descendants, harsh and prolonged disasters, and severe and lingering illnesses. 60 He will bring on you all the diseases of Egypt that you dreaded, and they will cling to you. 61 The Lord will also bring on you every kind of sickness and disaster not recorded in this Book of the Law, until you are destroyed. 62 You who were as numerous as the starts in the sky will be left but few in number, because you did not obey the Lord your God. 63 Just as it please the Lord to make you prosper and increase in number, so it will please him to ruin and destroy you. You will be uprooted from the land you are entering to possess.

I first thought, geez, how rude. So many threats from a God that loves us and wants the best for us. I read on in the devotional about how the lesson shows how the bible contains words of encouragement as well as words of warning, yet we sometimes focus solely on the words of encouragement. I voiced to Gary later that day my struggle with feeling the respect for God sometimes. He is not physically present to remind me, or put me in time out, therefore I fall into the pattern of neglect of respect for God and the obedience he desires from us. This world has tainted my image of God at times. Zeus, gods of other religions, worldly desires to put myself first--all of these only help me struggle in wrapping my mind around the concept of there being our one God that demands for us to worship and respect him. How is it silly for these gods to require that, yet necessary and reasonable for God to?

I don't question this in a way where I disagree with it--this is where I feel like I have the faith in my christian beliefs and know that this is true. I also want to be open with God, and whomever, about my struggles and the thoughts that I may have regarding my faith. Not that I may open a door of insecurity and let Satan make himself at home, but that I may find reassurance or even peace in feeling that it's okay to not always grasp the magnitude of God and all that He is. We are human. We are of this world. I personally don't think that at this level we are capable of understanding it all.

I know in my heart that God is in control of all things that are good and bad, that we understand or that we can't even wrap our minds around. Yet, as we demand Cadens respect and obedience, I turn around and don't even give that much to God.

Our actions of disciplining Caden are necessary for him to understand boundaries, be it for safety or respect. I can't shake the feeling that Gods actions of discipline and request for us to honor him are for the same reasons. The degree of seriousness I feel like do not compare, don't get me wrong, I know I am comparing worldly situations to that of religious level. But lying there, trying to fall asleep, I felt as if God opened my perspective and views towards his warnings as if to say, 'Amanda. Don't you get it? As you are trying to help your son understand the boundaries of life and have only his best interest in mind, as am I for you. My requests for respect and obedience are not out of selfishness but for your best interest, as yours are for you children. Just as there are consequences to disobedience for your children, as there are for mine. You are my child. You are a child of God.'

I hope that as my faith grows so will my respect for God, but I also hope that even if I struggle with this concept forever that my faith not waver and I stand strong in my hearts knowledge that this is what I believe in, even if it is hard to wrap my mind around at times, and even if I stumble or sin. I don't want to hold onto my failures, sins, wrong-doings. I want to hold onto Gods promise, take caution to his warnings, and grow in my understanding of his word.

ONE

ONE MONTH

One month has come and gone with the blink of an eye. Reid has shown to be pretty easy going thus far. He's adorable, of course, and can give some killer looks that hold what seems like a bunch of built up attitude I'm sure we'll experience some day. Here's what's up in Reid world:

-He deals with the loud noises and unsuspecting 'hugs' from his big brother like a champ

-He was already 8 lb 2 oz at his two week appointment, and has been eating and growing well, so we guess he's up to 10 lbs maybe, or close to it.

-He'll usually give me a good five hour stretch for the first part of the night. We still have to establish more of a good routine for the bedtime feeding, the last feeding before bed has varied between 9-11 usually, all depending on when his daytime feedings fall. 

-He's starting to fight sleep more, just seems like it's been harder to get him to settle on his own and I've been using the moby wrap during the day when it's just me and the boys to help snuggle him up for naps and be able to be attentive to Caden and whatever to-do's there are to get done.

-He's a strong little guy. Pushes up on his legs and holds his head up well, will arch his back towards whatever he wants to look at.

-He's making more and more eye contact, especially these last few days.

-He loves the lights, always loves to stare off into the lights.

-He's already moved into his 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers.

-He does well with the soothie pacifier--it doesn't seem like we'll have another thumb sucker with this one

-He's starting to show his own characteristics. At first we were seeing a lot of resemblances to Caden, and still sometimes do, but more so really have been able to see and experience little Reid for who he is and not seeing as much of his big brother in him now. 

-The car rides are 50/50 with Reid and when he gets worked up, man does he get worked up! He gets so red and so upset if that paci falls out in the car-hopefully that will just be a stage and Caden can entertain and distract him more once he gets older. 

-He drops bum bombs as if he's a grown man. Sorry, Reid, you'll probably hate me when you're older for documenting that--or maybe not since you're a boy--but you do, and it's pretty funny coming from such a pint sized cutie. 

-He's already been 'sick' twice, unfortunately. It is that time of year, after all, and luckily it's only shown through congestion and snot. He's been good with the little nose sucker and saline and both times have only lasted about a week. 

(look at the adorable quilt my sister made for Reid. She made both my boys their first quilts. She is the best, got this one done so quick, and it is so special to me to have that for them. Not sure if she'll ever know how much it means to me, love her so much and am so thankful to have her and her giving heart in my life!)

We love our little guy. Reid, I love your snuggles, your smell, I love your little snorts and turtle neck when you stretch out. I love when you keep your legs tucked up and your bum sticking out after a good cuddle. You are so sweet and precious. I never want to wish away these days and want you to be able to cuddle up on my chest and stay in my arms, but at the same time I am so eager to see the little boy that you will become. Caden is at such a fun, and trying, stage that I'm curious to see how you will be. It goes by so fast. It's amazing to me where we are now when I think back to when we found out we were pregnant with Caden. Seems like just yesterday he was a baby and now he's a rambunctious toddler and Reid is our little snuggle baby. 

I want to slow myself down and take advantage of the time I have with you at this stage. Our days go by quick at home between the two boys and house chores-I just want to savor all of you as a newborn--you have already changed so much within this last month. 

Your father and I love you so much, Reid. Happy one month little buddy!

Transition

Gary and I feel very blessed to have our children. It still takes me back to even say 'our children' now. The first time we really said it Gary was saying our bedtime prayers with Caden and mentioned something about protecting our children and I was instantly in tears.

Adjusting from one to two was much harder than I had imagine it to be. I didn't even mentally prepare myself for the emotional change it would have on me, and I am not sure if I ever could. I had the thoughts of if we went into labor as Caden was awake that I would feel as if saying goodbye to him during the day to go to the hospital would be like saying 'goodbye, we're going to get a new replacement baby!'. Even just going into Caden's room to give him a kiss goodbye as he slept felt surreal. The first night in the hospital it hit me. Gary went home to be with Caden and we face-timed each other which was precious and good to see my little boy but instantly brought me to tears as I felt torn for the first time wanting to be where I was, snuggling our new baby boy, and wanting to be back home playing with Caden.

Then, as we transitioned home, the adjustment became real on another level. Caden wanted that attention, I needed to heal, Reid needed the newborn attention, I wanted to snuggle and get to know my new baby-it was a tug of war and in so many different directions. It's gotten easier in some ways, but Reid is still in a demanding stage-at least eating every three hours during the day, along with other baby needs, and as I'm healed I feel able to be more active as I was with Caden but don't have the energy or time that I once had. The balancing act has thus begun and, as I've been told, will continue for a long time. I know I won't be able to master it-but I truly hope I can find good, fun ways to get one on one time with each child and have good family time all together. Now that we've made the decision for me to work part time from home, I want to take advantage of that gift and the time at home that I will have with the boys.

Parenting is an overwhelming thought sometimes and the reality that we are human and so imperfect, yet given these crazy, hyper, amazingly perfect and challenging little human beings to raise in this awesome yet chaotic world is too much to swallow at times. As a parent, you can't be too hard on yourself because it's one heck of a hard job, but we can at least try our best. There's not always a right or wrong answer in anything in this job and what works for one family or one child won't work for the next. I constantly find myself praying for guidance for Gary and I as parents. That God help us guide our little boys as they turn into young men. I wept while I prayed over Reid two nights ago. I instantly feel a tug at my heart when I am holding or looking at one of my little boys and praying for their well being. This world is an unpredictable place. We know all that God has promised, yet we don't know all that he has planned for us and it takes me back thinking that my children may have good or bad fortune in their lives.

The momma bear in me wants to wrap them up in my arms and protect them forever and always. Let no harm come to them. Let no mean, rude, hateful people cross their paths. Not let Satan use any of his sneaky, appealing temptations on them and trip them up. Yet that is what life is about. I am starting to learn more that life is about encountering all those situations-the good and the bad and making the most of each one. Showing God's love and perseverance through all that he hands you. God uses us in big and small ways, in ways we couldn't imagine and never could see coming-and I pray that my boys are open and willing to let God work in their lives. That no matter what path they take, if they stray or not, that they keep God at the center of their heart. He is the only constant that stays true and faithful.

My boys will grow from these sweet little babies, to a now toddler, to a teen, then they'll want to move away from the most amazing mommy ever and find some lucky lady to call their wife..I know it will happen all to fast and in the blink of the eye our nest will be empty. Until then, little men of ours, please know and see the great love that your father and I have for you both. We wish the best for you in all areas of your life and support you boys no matter what in anything you want to do.

Hopefully our boys will see our best effort being given, learn to forgive us when we stumble, and learn humility and patience as we all grow together as a family of four.

Brothers

Brotherly Love

I absolutely love the idea of brothers. Same sex siblings in general, I guess, but when we didn't know if Reid was a boy or girl, I kept thinking that the idea of little brothers was just adorable. Caden is a handful sometimes, the energy that boy has is never ending, but he also has such a sweet heart and is so fun--I love all the 'boy aspects' that come with that little, short ball of energy! The thought of him having a little brother to pick on, but defend if anyone else picked on him was just cute to me. Not that Caden will ever pick on Reid...surely not..

Caden loves his 'baby broder'. He's very good with Reid and poor little Reid has learned to tolerate Cadens volume of voice and constant chatter/yells. As well as Caden does with Reid, he is still in a stage of understanding where Reid fits in sometimes. There have been times when I am feeding Reid, and he requests for me to stop, let daddy feed Reid, and I come play. Or when dancing to the opening of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with him he stops, requests for daddy to hold baby and baby not dance with mommy, then we can continue. Nothing out of the ordinary in adjusting, I think, and honestly-as much as he does want that one on one, I feel like he has adapted quickly and does well with the fact that Reid is here and things are changing from what he was used to.

Anytime Reid really cries he'll run into the room usually saying 'uh-oh, mommy, wha' happen!?', 'oh, baby...', 'is okay, baby..' He's very sweet to his little brother, and sometimes a little too sweet and all up in Reid's personal space. If Reid is in the swing it's almost a given that Caden will go over and love on him. A few times Reid has gotten the hiccups and Caden has found some good humor in those, holding onto Reid and giggling at every hiccup. As much as Reid may not be on board with all their interactions at this stage, mostly because he's trying to sleep when out of no where he gets pounced on, it is already cute and fun to see the little interactions between my boys. Excited to be able to watch our little guys grow together, and feeling very lucky I get to be home and experience the majority of that.

I know sibling love will be a hit and miss throughout the years, but I really pray that our boys grow to love each other no matter what. That they respect each other and are able to have a strong friendship. Those kind of friendships are priceless and can't hold a candle to anything else and I long for our boys to treasure the gift that they have been given-each other.