What my what is

Two things-well, I guess three, have popped up and pushed me to surface of wondering what my what is. What could I be focusing on more, what's my next step as Amanda. Not as a wife or a mom, although I'm sure both titles are bound to intertwine with the independent, but as Amanda. What does God have me here for and how can I not miss out on it.

I know I need to focus on the roles I have been given as a wife and mom and not let those lack attention, but this tug is coming from somewhere...so what to do.

The three happenings: One already spoken of in my last writing about being a change agent, a recent comedic sermon by the funny Michael Jr., and chapter seven in the book The Best Yes.

Change agent. Being willing to step away and out of the normal, dreaming big.

Comedic sermon. You may know what to do, but what gives it power is knowing why you do it and even more strength comes from who you do it for.

Chapter seven. 'You will steer towards where you stare.' Where is your focus-is it stuck on fear and therefor holding you back or are you letting go and trusting in God.

Triple C action. The first I spent time typing about in the last blog, so feel free to recap there. The second I watched today as I pumped iron--a new gig I've been into and man, it's pretty legit. I'm not legit in in, but the mind break/child break and body feel good has been pretty dang sweet...I'm liking it. And I was able to listen to chapter seven today as well.

So, when you feel like things occur more than once, directing you to the same topic and all get you thinking towards the same question--maybe it's about time to open a new can of worms? Except not worms. Those are gross and slimy. A new can of oreos nom nom nom...but, my iron pumping self should probably say chocolate peanut butter protein bars...they have cans of those somewhere, right!?

Focus, ya'll.

For real, though. It's come to my attention that I just feel like I'm not doing enough personally. Finally initiating carving out time for myself at the gym has felt good. Please, Lord, don't let this now talking about it jinx me into my previous yo-yo cycles towards this area. It's been a good while since I've positively invested in my own self, mentally and physically.

And although I'm not saying lets be self centered here, I'm all for selflessness and servanthood, BUT I am suggesting that the more you put yourself last the less you'll have to give. And I'm tired of running on E here.

I know our life is busy. Our schedule and days don't allow much to be added in, but I also know that if we don't prioritize and organize how we are spending our time we'll miss out on opportunities that God has desired us to be in.

What am I crowding my days and time with? How am I making a difference? Why did God give me the passions and abilities that He has given me-more importantly how am I, or am I not, using those in the best way to share His love?

I question myself so much. I fear putting myself out there to fall, to be mocked, to look a fool. The more you put yourself out there-the higher standard you may be held to---and sometimes I don't want a dang standard to adjust to at all nonetheless a high one. That's a silly statement, that's what can keep you in check Uh-Man-Duh. Geez.

But what is my motive and what is my reasoning. How am I clearing my mind and time to listen to Gods directions. I am far from perfect, so how can I turn to trust in God and be willing to let Him use my imperfections.

This is my start. I can only think thus far to pray over my wondering-unsure of what really it would lead to. Knowing our plates are full, but knowing that maybe they need to be rearranged. I'm just not sure on what my what is, but I am sure that God doesn't lead you up to certain things multiple times just for...see, here's where the higher standard would bum me out because what goes perfectly right there, before those three dots, is 'shits and giggles', but uh-should I say that? Well. I just did.

Here's to putting aside the fear of failure, of shining light on imperfections, and of openly giving God the go ahead and activate my trust fall. One.Two.Three...fly or fall, trust God through it all.

Is that a new hashtag, or just the corniest saying ever? Probably the latter...dang it. Can I blame Lysa Terkeurst for the motivation to say that-yet that would go against her steps towards making decisions, one being owning your decision and it was me, not her, after all who chose not to delete the above and act like it never sneaked itself out over my keyboard.