Because she chose

About eleven years ago I had an argument with my mom. I was up in Manhattan in a small, private room at our dorm. To put my one college semester experience into perspective, this was the only time I had been in this quiet room meant for studying...

I cannot remember how this phone call came about, what the topic may have been hovering over, or how we got to this point in our conversation, but I can specifically remember the feeling that went with it.

The blanket feeling was that I was basically arguing with her because she held so tight to her faith and wouldn't let it go, even a little, to find some common ground on things of difference between us. I was beyond irritated that she would not just reason with me.

I felt betrayed. She was choosing God and her beliefs over supporting me and mine.

I couldn't even tell you what grounds of 'belief' I stood on besides a broken motto of this is my life and I'll do as I please, with who I please, when I please.

Flash forward nine and a half years.

I hit a low about four to six months after having Reid. Post partum, balancing two kids, navigating being home and working part time-I tried, but failed to be successful in that and my marriage. I found myself, actually my husband found me, crying in a corner between our bed and a wall. I couldn't put my finger on just one upsetting issue, but had a multitude of areas of discontent and an overall sense of loss. Knowing darn well we had our family's health and happiness all in line, but I couldn't shake it.

One more flash forward, a year and a half more, to current.

God. is. GOOD. I mean GOOD, people. I would love to sit and go over what He has done in our life the past year and a half. Since I stopped focusing on my own desires and worked on aligning myself with Him and His purpose for me. Since we, as a husband and wife, decided to devote our time-our lives-to God. Since we took our relationship with God further than the Sunday feel better sit and get.

He has been at work. Werk, werk, werk, werk, werk, werk. Let God the Father werk, werk, werk, werk, werk, werk.

But. Seriously. God has given us growth, determination, and perseverance above that of our own.  

I know I've said it before, but it reigns true to our walk with Christ, so I say it again; we are in a constant check and balance. But ya'll, we're checking and thankfully sweet Jesus is balancing.

This topic and personal story has run around my head for a few days. Over those few days I read three things that propelled me to share.

'If he (Satan) can't ensnare us then he'll try to scare us.' Entrusted study by Beth Moore

'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.' John 10:10, Jesus speaking

'Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy...The grace of our Lord was poured out abundantly...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst.' 1 Timothy 3:8, letter from Paul

People. Paul, previously called Saul, went from spending his days persecuting anyone and everyone who followed Jesus to preaching and growing disciples in the gospel of Christ.

When you choose to rebuke the destruction Satan tries to line up for us and allow yourself to see God through everything-I mean, everything-minute or catastrophic, you will see God do more than you could even have imaged possible. In ways that you couldn't have planned. In ways completely opposite than you had planned, yet looking back for the better.

Satan may have gotten his fair share of my life for many years. Leading me with lies as I foolishly followed. That confrontation eleven years ago now makes me cry. Many of my harsh words, wrongful actions, bad memories make my stomach flip.

I was so dumb. I acted a fool. Spoke a fool. Was a fool.

I am beyond admirable of my moms strength in her faith to take the stand she did. Oh, how my heart will ache if I have to be put in that position with one of my own children.

The years that have taken me from the day of wanting my mom to adjust her faith for me to now preparing myself to be just as sincere in my own walk with God were not filled with sunshine and lollipops. As much as I wish I could take back some of those decisions or actions, my story and conviction are greater because of it. All of it-the good, the bad, the ugly.

Now, as I grow in my faith, I grow in my confidence to stand against persecution and to follow God's word, so that I may 'fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience.'
1 Timothy 3:8