Overthinking

It's almost like a movie reel lives in my mind sometimes.

I can't help but lay there, attempting to fall asleep, yet instead falling into the replay of the actions and conversations that have taken place throughout the day. As if I have any control or power to change what has already happened. I think it's common for women-always having our minds going-but doesn't mean that needs to be our excuse.

I find guilt in my overthinking. Not in choosing to allow the replays, there are flaws and wisdom to that, but in my past responses. Guilt in my lack of patience with Caden when he's overly repetitive in asking something when he's already gotten a 'no' answer. Guilt in feeling the need to tune out my boys and disconnect, instead of changing my mindset and be more present and on their level. Guilt over being too blunt or too honest in my words, not holding my tongue. Guilt in putting Gary last, feeling like I have no more to give at the end of the day. Shoot, if I'm really replaying stuff then major guilt creeps in from past actions, words, stupidity.

Thinking-over. Evaluating how you act, the words you speak, and making sure they align with how God desires us to act, show love, and show grace isn't a bad thing. You have to live and learn. We have to keep ourselves in check. Work to keep ourselves connected with God to draw from Him the guidance and strength we need to not act a fool like we normally would.

BUT. Over-thinking.

To go beyond the learning from your error and to harp on your actions, reactions, speech--that is another string in Satan's elaborate web that is there to trip you.

To stress what has been done. To not give that worry or regret to God. To aim at having the final say. It is a repetitive situation that I lay there with. Did I do that right? Did I say that wrong? I beat myself up over things that don't deserve a second thought, and in the situation of error I'm just not letting go and moving on.

Continuing to overthink means I will be like those who wandered in the wilderness for so many years, lost and stuck. Just set on repeat and not trying to find a way out. Instead, I want to try to step out of my merry-go-round habit. To realize it's out of my control. Grow from what I learn, change for the better, then move the heck on and recognize that God is in control.

I constantly have to check and recheck myself, making sure that although I know God is in control, and say often that God is in control, am I physically and mentally SHOWING what I preach?

In my speech. In my actions. In my reactions.

Find ways to SHOW that God is in control. When I feel wrapped up in overthinking, I will practice prayer. To draw my strength from God and to rely on Him, not me. That new habit, on repeat, will then become like second nature to turn to Him in those moments.

Find ways to SHOW that He is in control when it comes to speech. I am too quick to say what is the obvious, because 'it's the truth', yet just because it's the truth to me doesn't mean it is to everyone or to God. Choose to SHOW that God is in control by choosing to pass over any speech or words that don't bring glory to Him.

That sounds intense, and I for one love the shirt that says 'I love Jesus, but I cuss a little'. It cracks me up. But then aren't we just conforming to the normalities of this world and making that our excuse to not live to show Him in our speech as well as our actions?

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.' Romans 8:28

That verse doesn't say that we'll understand all the things God allows to happen. That all the things will be fun and easy. But with this verse you choose to know that God is in control despite how good or bad your current situation may be. That overthinking the present or the past will only produce self independence leading you away from trusting in God, and in the long run, it will just wear you down.

Choose to show  that God is in control over your speech, actions, and reactions.

I want to SHOW it for my boys. I want to SHOW it for my husband. I want to SHOW it for myself.