Instead of rolling back over, hoping that against the odds the boys sleep in, I got up and did a daily study and read two chapters in the book of Mark. Thinking okay, Amanda, you've felt worn out and discouraged too much lately. Normally, it always leads back to disconnection spiritually and yet again trying to pull from my family, friends or other surroundings to fill me up with joy, love, and satisfaction.
Yet-I think I could read and do a study until I'm blue in the face, but until I mentally step out of myself it won't do any good.
We recently watched a Newspring message featuring Jared Estes telling his story and sharing motivation towards firing back when you're feeling knocked down. His story is one of mental and physical suffering, pain and grief. A personal loss and that of his past self. He said a few times how you have to step out of yourself to see the bigger picture. That you can't always just 'dig deep within to find your strength' because the reality of your situation is you aren't the one holding the strength to carry on for the better.
It has taken me a few days, and a few other instances, to see the different ways his message can relate on all levels. Initially I thought, that's awesome-that's great--need to store that away in case something bad happens and draw from that.
But now, I am closer to thinking that nothing 'bad' has to happen to need to draw from that--to have the need to step outside of yourself to regain focus.
It should be a daily check and balance. Making it a point to step outside yourself and quit looking just within, that's when you can clear your head and see that you were limiting yourself to only your view. Only seeing what is in front of you, and not the greatness that is surrounding you.
Let's say you were standing in the middle of a field, looking at a pile of dump. Not a pretty sight. It stinks, it's ugly, and no one wants to be around it. BUT. Look up. Look around you.
Look at the beautiful hills and landscape to your west. Those are your home, job, car, couch, bed, food on the table-those are things that you take for granted because they are, hopefully, always present and constant.
Look at the field of flowers all around you. Those are the people surrounding you. Flowers of all different kinds, and luckily for you some of your favorites close by.
Look at the horses next to you. They are your family and friends. They are your loyal, loved ones.
Here is where you choose to see yourself and surroundings as subpar or as extravagant.
Look at the hills and choose to see them as mediocre, insufficient-they're hills, not mountains after all-or choose to see them as protecting and purposeful.
Look at the flowers and choose to focus on the ones that are wilting and have thorns, or choose to find the beauty in each one, showing grace to all whether they are close by or far way, despite your favorites, despite their differences.
Look at the horses. Look past the dump they can produce, and see their strength and beauty.
After all, if your family and friends are the horses, then so are you. So, as they can produce the dump, as can you. It may be your dump your stuck looking at-or another's-but it's only up to you whether you continue looking down at the stink or decide to look around you and choose to focus on the beauty of your surroundings.
Choose to step outside yourself, to regain focus, and to quit letting your vision be clouded by subpar and choose to see extravagantly.
PS. You're welcome for the multiple dump references. Hope that made your day.
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